Scriberson 365

Makes you smile

2012-02-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

Please excuse the terrible ipod picture...also how adorable is Miss E's self-declared soccer outfit?

Today was a heck of a day. Peter was with his friends, leaving the kids and I on our own.

We went to soccer, and Mr. T and I froze (seriously - it's indoor soccer, why the heck is it so cold in there) watching Miss E play. Then, over lunch time, we headed to urgent care to get some antibiotics for the raging sinus infection I have. An hour long wait there (before lunch) and then about 30 minutes in the doctor's office. After that it was home for a quick lunch, to the pharmacy to pick up meds (which weren't there), to our friend's house to pick up all the Girl Scout cookies Miss E sold, then to a movie (Phantom Menace), then home for dinner, several panicked phone calls to various dr's and pharmacies and then leaving our dinner in the middle to race to the store to pick up the meds. A trying day for sure. All around.

The best part? These kids. They were hungry and tired but they sat at the Doctor's for an hour with Miss E showing Mr. T how to play Mario and Mr. T showing Miss E how great he was at a game on the ipod. Only one chair in the doctor's office? No problem, they shared it. Even the doctor told me how wonderful they were. Leaving dinner in the middle to run to pharmacy only to wait for 20 minutes? No worries, Miss E just sat and read Mr. T a book. It was amazing. At some point I realized, that even though today was difficult, hanging with these guys is truly what I want to be doing at this point in my life. They just are awesome kids.

Hopefully by tomorrow morning these miracle drugs called antibiotics will make it so my face feels a little less like I took a right hook to it.

Childhood

2012-02-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

Wrestling with your sister. Or just grabbing her leg while she is singing loudly at the top of her lungs. Making Valentine's for 25 other kindergartners. Or 24 other first graders and meticulously taping lollypops in each one. Hating everything but mac and cheese for dinner. Asking to stay up later. Declaring yourself a Ninja. A smile so heartwarming that no one is immune. Watching cartoons on Saturday or Sunday morning before your parents get up. Blueberry muffins for breakfast.

I hope these kids will remember some of the small moments that so far has made up the bulk of their lives.

Daily Routine

2012-02-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

Mr. T it's time to get dressed.

Miss E do you have your homework?

Have you guys brushed your teeth?

5 minutes until we leave.

Time to go, let's head out to the van.

Mr. T are your straps done?

Miss E you're bus today.

Mr. T you are after care, I'll pick you up at 2:30.

Have a good day, I love you guys!

Your Sky

2012-02-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

As it always does this time of year, the rain has returned. Our soft blanket of gray has covered us up again and it all feels pretty cozy. I think because I have lived here my entire life, the gray and rain doesn't bother me nearly as much as those I know who have moved here as adults.

When I went out to get the paper early this morning I noticed the sky gorgeously reflected on the wet boards of our front porch, but getting my camera to reflect what my eye sees is kind of a trick. I finally figured out how to capture those winter tree branches and clouds in a non-blobby manner.

Favorite

2012-02-07T20:28:00.001-08:00

This whole day was pretty much my favorite. Played hooky from work and hung out with Peter. We went to Home Depot and Ikea to plan out some near and far in the future home projects (new doors, floors and bedroom furniture!). We went out to lunch.

Tonight I sat with Miss E and we read another chapter of Harry Potter. Sharing my favorite (late) childhood books with my girl? Awesome. I tried to read it to her about a year ago but she wasn't understanding all of the school and Quiddich stuff so I stopped and decided to wait until she was begging me each night to read another chapter and boy oh boy has that been worth it. She is so excited by the book. She wants to know all about each character, she was nervous about what house Harry would be put in and keeps asking how the book is going to end (she is her mother's daughter....). I love it. Love love love love it.

Makes You Smile

2012-02-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

In the midst of our morning chaos, Miss E scribbled this note for me and left it on the bathroom rug. I found it as I was getting ready to take a shower. Such a sweet way to start off the morning.

10am

2012-02-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, my nephew decided he was done with Legos. This was about the same time that Mr. T became obsessed with Legos - the Lego king of the house. Trouble was, my nephews sets were all mixed up. My sister brought up a garbage bag with out six lego sets in it and asked if we wanted it. I of course said yes and it has sat in a corner of my room from then until this weekend. This was the first time that I was brave enough to get it out and tackle separating the kits. Mr. T is all in on this project. It's pretty much the only thing he has wanted to do this weekend. Last night Miss E spent the night at my parents house and Mr. T did Lego's. This morning at 7 after Peter had gone to work, he was doing Lego's and when this picture was taken, I was trying to coax him to leave so we could go pick up Miss E. "Just one more piece mommy" was always the answer.

Letterbox

2012-02-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

This picture actually made me get out and clean off our mailbox today. Living on a road with no side walks in a neighborhood covered with pine trees equals a lot of dirt and moss gathering on your mail receptical. It was sunny and clear on this February morning which always feels a bit like someone has pulled the covers off your head and left you blinking in the very bright light. We have so long been living under a cloud of soft grey and damp. This first little peek at spring was lovely. Mr. T came out front with me while Miss E and Peter were off at soccer and he played his little piano and climbed trees yelling "look at me mommy! Take a picture of me! I'm the fastest tree climber there is!" I took pictures of him, cleaned the mailbox and continued the endless endless task of getting the pine cones off the driveway. Most of all, I breathed deeply of the dry air with a touch of warmth and felt the sun on my cheek.

Something you adore

2012-02-03T20:12:00.000-08:00

Her. She. Miss E. I adore her in all her silliness, sweetness, fierceness and kindness. Every single day.

This morning she and Mr. T were playing her carnival game and Mr. T won a prize - a party in his honor. They spent the next 15 minutes planning the party, which will be on Sunday afternoon, and then, just as I was leaving for work and Peter was leaving to take them to school, Miss E handed us each a list of things for us to do to prep for the party. I have to make cookies and Peter has a whole list of things to get from the grocery store and chores to do. One of his chores was to sweep off the back deck which apparently is our "good weather" location. He did that this morning and as soon as the kids were home from school they were out there playing in the dry sunny weather. I think we all really needed a moment of dry and sunny to be outside and breathe in some air.

And now I am off to bake some cookies for the party.

Words

2012-02-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

I've really been wanting to get back into the picture a day thing, or even taking pictures at all. I kind of took a break after the photography class. I think the class just overwhelmed me so much both with the realization of all that I DON'T know about taking pictures and it also took me out of the moment. Like, I wasn't grabbing my camera to capture something beautiful or fun anymore because I was worried about aperture and white balance and shutter speed and iso and it all started to feel hard and like I was doing it wrong or that it could be, not that is should be better. So my camera has (for the most part) sat on a shelf above my desk and I stopped taking it places and life has been zooming by.

The whole life zooming by thing? That's why I started this blog in the first place. Combined with the fact that I have a terrible memory and am convinced that I'm headed for an early entry into the Alzheimer's home, my kids' childhood and hence the salad days of my mothering, are flying by. They somehow have become so big. Sometimes when they sleep I go into their rooms at night and in their resting faces I can see the babies that they once were. The way their lips rest, their eyelids flutter, but it's so fleeting. During the day they are big and yet not big. I spent my day running errands without a small person by my side and I missed it. Yes, I have probably blocked out the tantrums and the whining and all the things that make going to the grocery store with a baby/toddler/preschooler sometimes difficult, but overall, I miss them being with me as I go about my day. Somedays I feel like I don't have a chance to connect with Miss E at all, she gets home from school at almost 4, eats a snack, wants some quiet time, plays with her brother and then it's dinner, bath and bed before she and I have had any quality time to chat or just BE together. I find myself missing her as well.

In an effort to get back into a 365, and to just get some of this down for the kids, I'm going to try one of those photo challenges that keep popping up on blogs. It's basically a photo prompt for each day of the month, and I'll try and title the post with the prompt. Although of course since I don't like being told what to do and my Virgo sensibilities toward complication and organization have to be pleased, I have devised a plan to use prompts from Jan and Feb as I see fit.

Today it is "words" so I took a picture of this little love sign. I found this in the 4th grade at a Halloween carnival hidden in a bin of straw and have kept it since then. Every place I have lived (I think 12 so far!) it has come with me to be displayed on a dresser or a shelf or sometimes stuck in a box for a year or two. Right now it sits on the shelf above my computer. It is my daily reminder that love - all forms of it - is the most important thing. Love of your family, of yourself, of friends, of strangers, of the earth, of life, in your heart and in your brain, it is the most important thing that we humans can do.

2012 Winn

2012-02-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

Miss E has made up some carnival game for her and Mr. T to play complete with rides (most involving the swivel office chair), tickets, membership cards and winners. I love love love love how creative she is and she and Mr. T have been having a blast playing all of these games. I also love her winning ticket - 2012 Winn! So true. I have high hopes that 2012 is going to be a winner.

More tomorrow on the starting up of another 365 (maybe, I think so, hopefully....)

This girl...

2012-01-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

She's a princess rock scientist

Sunday night I got really sick. Monday I was better but couldn't get out of bed. Tuesday Peter had to work. Neither of us wanted him to take a day off work to help with the kids so in steps Miss E. Tuesday I was well enough to sit on the couch and only take two naps. That's it. Miss E helped get breakfast for her and Mr. T (I boiled water for oatmeal), she got herself dressed and ready for school and reminded him to do the same. She put their (pre-packed) lunches in their backpacks and told me when it was time to leave. All I had to do was drive them the mile to school, drop them at the curb and drive home.

Mr. T came home on the bus at noon and ate his lunch, patted my back, got me a glass of water and built Lego's. Miss E came home and said she wanted to fix a sandwich bar for dinner. Then she put out the bread, had me slice cheese and pickles and pears, and got all the condiments out. And she helped Mr. T fix his plate and get his drink. They got ready for bed, she read to Mr. T and they played quietly until it was time for lights out. All in all, I hardly had to do anything. It is such a turn around from when they were little and there was no WAY I could have spent all day sick on the couch. She is just the most amazing, empathetic and responsible girl, and Mr. T is a kind and empathetic boy. They really make every day so wonderful.

The night before Peter went to work, he had told Miss E that he needed her to help me out the next day. There was no offer of reward at the time but last night (wednesday), as a gesture of appreciation we got her a toy she had been wanting for awhile and my goodness, the smile on her face made it all worthwhile.

The value of moms

2012-01-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

I was sick this week with a really bad stomach bug and I'll post later about what a great help Miss E was, because, truly she is a blessing in her little package, but I wanted to share something about my mom and moms in general.

All this week I have been home sick. And Peter has taken care of the kids and the house and the leak in the roof and just about everything. But there is only so much one person can do. So when I walked into work today, for the first time this week, and my mom said "honey you don't look great, you loook pale and weak, are you sure you're ok?" I about nearly cried. It was the sweetest most loving thing I had heard all week. When you're a mom to little kids, all your family really wants is for you just to be better as fast as possible. It's just so much work for everyone to do without you and the kids really need you. What you want when you're really really sick is your mom, telling you to rest, bringing you glasses of water, rubbing your back, changing your sheets, offering you bites of cracker. Those things never go away. And all it took was one little comment of concern and kindness from my mother to make me feel that again.

I'm still here

2012-01-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

We had a little bit of snow

Mr. T loves to help me cook. Here were are making a chocolate sour cream cake from here.

Hello little neglected blog, I'm still here, just busy. Not exactly sure with what. Mainly trying to keep it all together. Is is fair to say that as of Jan. 18th I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things after the holidays? Here's a few notes about what I've been up to:

Slowly I'm planning Mr. T's bedroom re-do (non-scary Star Wars) and our bedroom re-do. I'm also diligently trying to ignore all the many many ways our family of 4 (plus huge dog) have outgrown our house.

I ate the most delicious sushi ever

Peter and I had a huge fight and said mean things to each other. Then we made up and decided to try not to do that.

We got Netflix and the new season of Big Love and a Wii so our butts have been parked on the couch a bit enjoying all of our new fancy media things.

We spent a weekend with my sister and her kids in some cabins in the wood exploring and playing in the snow.

Mr. T has fully immersed himself into Star wars - well the first two (or the 4^th and 5^th depending on how you look at it) movies- and suddenly I am learning all these new things like the names of ships and people and creatures and robots, etc. I had no idea there was so much to it.

We all got sick. Mr. T threw up a bunch and the rest of us had a cold. However, for the first time ever, Mr. T was old enough to make it to the bowl or toilet before he puked! This has got to be some kind of parenting mile-stone. A throwing up child with no laundry. It left me with a lot more time to rub his back and his forehead and snuggle him rather than madly trying to change the sheets or figure out when I was going to get the carpet cleaner from my mom.

Miss E has started reading again after a brief hiatus, and in re-reading Harriet the Spy has decided to start writing a spy notebook again. I sneak peeks at it at night after she goes to bed and it is hilarious. She has the most amazingly mature and dry sense of humor.

It snowed some. And then it promises to snow some more. I did a snow dance, Peter did an anti-snow dance (firefighters hate the snow when they are on shift) and he won. We woke to rain. Sad. (for me – not for him)

Miss E is selling girl scout cookies! Her goal is 73 boxes and I think she is going to get there.

We found out that Miss E's girl scout leader had a reoccurrence of her cancer. Last year she fought breast cancer and was successful. She is a college professor, a mom of two, a girl scout leader and she coached a 1^st grade girls soccer team. An amazing woman all around. Last week she found out that the breast cancer had spread to her brain and is now undergoing radiation for that. It’s scary and sad and disheartening and reminds me once again that life is not fair at all.

Mr. T has started to ask me how to spell things so he can write them down. This is a BIG DEAL because prior to this he had no interest at all in learning how to write or read. None whatsoever. And I have tried to be patient, so very very patient because I don't want to push it and really, you can't FORCE your kid to learn something. But finally, he is interested.

Miss E started playing indoor soccer, on the turf and she is super excited about it. Big sigh of relief for me. We have an activity.

That's all for now. Mr. T and I are going to frost a cake, make some soup and wait for Miss E to get home.

Home again

2011-12-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

So we went to Disneyland and it was awesome. It was artificial and manufactured and crowded and expensive and freakishly clean (think downtown Salt Lake City) and all the things I expected it to be but it was SO MUCH FUN. We had a blast and I already want to go back. There is so much to do and so much to see and the rides are great and the entertainment is great and the kids were happy. I cannot say enough about what a great time we had. Even through the few meltdowns (though not a lot!), and losing Mr. T for a scary moment, and the long lines, it was clearly one of the best trips we've taken as a family. I can't thank my in-laws enough, it was great. I'm going to go back and do day by day posts as I have time so I'll remember the trip but overall, it was great.

Also? Flying was totally the way to go. Driving would have been so exhausting and flying into Long Beach was the easiest thing ever. Love that airport, love Jet Blue.... it all went so smoothly.

Airplane kids

2011-12-18T13:14:00.000-08:00

Those who know me know that I have a lot of anxiety about flying. To say that I hate it would be an understatement. But I also don't want to limit the size of my world to driving distance so I do fly. Occasionally. I was very conscious about not transferring this anxiety onto the kids and for some reason I wasn't as nervous about the flight this time. Maybe because I know about 500 people who have flown to Disneyland, maybe because it was a short flight, maybe because I flew all the way to Spain this year, or maybe because I can't imagine anything awful happening to my babies. Whatever the reason, other than take -off, the flying didn't bother me much. The kids both did great. Mr. T didn't like it just because he didn't want to sit still for so long but there were TV's on the plane (highly recommend Jet Blue airlines) so he was fine. Aside from spilling two drinks on me but hey, that's traveling with two kids.

When we got to Long Beach an old friend picked us up and we went to her house to visit and so the kids could play. Then she took us to our hotel where we rested and met my in-laws for dinner at the Rain Forest Cafe. The kids were really extremely tired at this point since they got up at 4, but they pushed through. Then it was back to the hotel to put the kids to bed and Peter and I headed to the bar for a drink (we had adjoining rooms with my in-laws, which was a brilliant idea on their part).

Onward to Disneyland and Christmas

2011-12-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

THis week has been one of finishing things up. The presents are bought. My photo class is over. Cards are mailed out and we are ready to relax and enjoy the week of Christmas. This weekend we are boarding a plane for Disneyland! It's going to be a big trip. Both the kids and I have never been before and the kids have never been on an airplane before. I'm crossing my fingers that they are both Ok with it, Miss E will be fine but I could see Mr. T freaking out and crying a bit. I have tried to prepare them best I can by just factually explaining, in a no-big-deal way about the security procedures and what the plane will sound like when it takes off and what it will be like in the air. I have done very good at keeping my own anxiety in check - those who know me know that I HATE to fly - and honestly I've been so busy that it hasn't had time to hit. Going to Spain earlier this year helped as does knowing that if I'm stressed out about it, there is no way I'll be able to truly hide that from the kids, especially Miss E - she just picks up on everything I'm feeling. So far, they are both pretty excited about the trip. And who wouldn't be - it's Disneyland!

When we come back, it will be Christmas time with my family! We found out last week that Peter's Christmas shift filled, meaning he gets to be home for Christmas! This is great news. The main thing that is really hard about being married to a firefighter for me is the working on the holidays. Now that the kids are older, the long work hours are no problem. We can handle a 48 like it's nothing. But having Peter be gone every Christmas morning? That sucks. Even the years when he works CHristmas eve, he doesn't get home until 7:30 Christmas morning and the kids are already up and opening their stockings. When he works Christmas, he leaves the house at 5:30 before the kids are up. I have offered to keep them upstairs longer or wake them up early but Peter doesn't want everyone's schedule to change because of him but still, he has maybe twice since Miss E was old enough to get Santa, seen the kids faces first thing on Christmas morning and that, to me, feels like a huge price to pay for a job. So while he is home this Christmas because some blessed new kid wanted to work overtime, I will be thinking of all the firefighters and police officers and military personnel and hospital personnel that are missing Christmas with their families because truly, that is a big thing to give up.

And that's it! On to packing and Disneyland!

Mr. T's room

2011-12-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but our house is small. Not quaint small, but really really small, like 950 square feet. This would be perfect for a couple who doesn't like to entertain much but for a family of four, well, sometimes it feels pretty cramped. Especially in the winter when we can't use our fairly large back yard as an extra room. There are many good things about our small house: it's easy to clean, I can always keep an ear on the kids, it's affordable and in a good neighborhood with a great school. It's safe and cozy and warm and we are fortunate to not worry about making payments or being upside down in our mortgage and, as I previously mentioned, the back yard is huge and fenced in, which I think is great for kids.

Still though, when all four of us are here and the kids are rambunctious I find myself wishing for a basement or a playroom or a 2nd story where they could go. To offset this smallness, I made sure that the kids got their own rooms. This may seem counter-intuitive but when you spend all day or all your time at home WITH the family, it's good for them to have a place they can go that they can call their own. Plus their personalities are not conducive to sharing a room. We have 2 bedrooms, which are decent sized, one is ours and one is Miss E's. When we bought the house, we weren't expecting to be here with two kids.

Then came the wonderful Mr. T, and the crash of the housing market. And when he was about 8 months old, we realized he needed a room. So we took the one car garage, which had been enclosed into the house already, split it in half and made half of it his room. One half of a tiny used-to-be garage in a 1930's house. It's small. To make matters worse, you step down about three stairs from the main part of the house to the laundry room and the door to his room is off the laundry room. The walls are drywall, the floor is regular flooring, but there is not much disguising that it's sitting on a cement slab in a largely uninsulated part of the house. In the laundry room is a door to the outside that no amount of weatherization can fully keep the cold air from flowing in through. Long story short, in the winter, Mr. T's room is a bit cold. His bed is covered in flannel sheets and down comforters and the floor has a thick wool rug but in the cold part of winter, it's pretty chilly.

Last night, after his bath, he and I were down in his room and he was shivering as I was rapidly trying to help him get his pj's and socks on. In the sweetest, littlest voice possible he started this conversation:

"Mommy?"

"what honey?"

"Next time, when we get a new house, can my room be upstairs by yours and Miss E's?"

"Yeah sweetie, it can."

I felt so bad for him at that moment. He never complains about how small his room is, or having the closet with the water heater in it in his space, but somehow this plaintive little request for a warm room in the main part of the house broke my heart. Now I know his room is fine, but this is just one of those things that makes me really realize that sometimes, through no fault of anyone's, the second kid gets short-changed a bit. The older kid gets short-changed in other ways and we have a saying in our house "not everything has to be fair" but I still felt pretty bad that we can't offer him something nicer than his cold tiny room.

busy busy blah blah blah

2011-12-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

I hate to bitch and moan, especially about the consequences of choices I've made, but allow me to do it for a minute. Here we go: I'm too busy and wah so are we all. It's busy with blessings and wonderful things, but I have been feeling frazzled. A few days ago, though, I kicked into "high stress, start getting crap done mode" and it's feeling better.

Here's what we've been up to:

1) Thanksgiving. Not our best. I had one sip of white wine and got a migraine, Miss E didn't eat all day because she didn't like the food and had the mother of all melt-downs that nigh. Let me amend that, until about 4, we were ROCKING thanksgiving. 4 kids playing nicely and independently, adults cooking and chatting and watching football (go pack!). Best Thanksgiving ever, until 4. But hey, compared to all the years when the adults didn't even get to sit down and eat together, I'll take it. And Thanksgiving isn't about perfection.

2) Friends visiting.

3) School and school and room parent duties.

4) Getting our tree.

5) Playgroup holiday party - the kids partied until 9 this year!

6) More room parent duties.

Fantasy football. I'm competing for the last spot in the playoffs and could not be more proud of myself. I started this league 2 years ago, not really knowing much about football and am competing with guys who have been avid football fans all their lives. Next Sunday determines if I get in but whether I do or not, I think I've done pretty good. It's fun to have something that you can be super cut-throat competitive with. (full disclosure - I know how geeky this sounds.)

Disneyland planning. We were stressing and stressing about driving to Disneyland over Christmas. It's a 15 hour drive each way, which basically equals 2 full days of driving. The longest the kids have ever been in the car is one day of 7 hours of driving. I had visions of arriving there tired, with the kids having eaten restaurant food for 2 days and it just being a mess. With the kids I feel like we have a limited number of "good" away from home nights. Each year it gets to be more, but right now we are on about 4. That means vacations are fun and awesome and everyone is having a great time until about night 4 when the tiredness and lack of routine and weird food catch up to us, not to mention the fact that neither of my children likes to poop anyplace but home. So driving to Disneyland equals first two good days in car. Plus Peter has to work on Christmas (boo) and we were worried about making it home in time for that. If there was snow on the mountains and we couldn't get through, he wouldn't make it home and that results in another firefighter being ordered to work on Christmas which is UNCOOL. Cannot happen sort of uncool. Ahhh..but the plane tickets so close to Christmas are super expensive which left us with driving. Until I started hearing about these crazy cyber-monday week deals on airfare and found direct flights for a reasonable price. Not crazy cheap, but doable. Still I waffled all day Sunday while Peter was at work I texted him about 30 times - which looked something like this:

me - should we do it?

him - I don't know. yes. Maybe.

me - it's so much money. but i don't want to drive.

him - me neither. Maybe we should do it. can we?

me- clay matthew TD (packers game was on)

him - this game is going to be rough and tumble

me - pros - minus 4 days of driving and travel wearyness/hotel fatigue, no surprise cost or worry about getting stuck in snow, no wear on car. Cons - money would be tight.

me - it would be a really lean month for us.

him - just returning from a dude who had his head shut in a pickup tailgate. bloodbath.

me - .......nevermind

And there you have it. Plane tickets purchased. Because life is too short not to fully enjoy your only trip to Disneyland and you never know when someone is going to get their head shut in the tailgate of a pickup. (Seriously though, how does that HAPPEN????)

Cyclocross races

2011-11-28T22:22:00.000-08:00

Mr. T ringing the cowbell at the Cyclocross races. This also involved a make-your-own oatmeal bar and a bonfire. As should all events.

First Sleepover

2011-11-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

Miss E had her first sleepover party this weekend. One of her friends was turning 7 and had a sleepover with 5 girls to celebrate. I was a little nervous but really it was the best situation we could have had for her first sleepover. The birthday girl is the daughter of some close friends of ours who also happen to be exceptional parents and kid-wranglers. And it was a total success. Miss E had a great time, they made a super-cute stop motion animation film and she got along well with all of the girls (2 of whom she had never met before). I felt really good about the entire thing.

Tonight, just after Miss E went to bed, she came out complaining in a giggling voice that her room smelled like fart - yes, little girls find farts hillarious also. A little bit later, I walked by her door and found this note on the floor in front of her door (her spelling):

Dear Mommy,

I think the fart smell is from Daddy! Please keep this a secrit! : )

I love you so so so so much

Love, E

P.S. When I smelled my pillow it smelled like fart!

P.P.S. This is really a mistery!

P.P.P.S. You can write a mesege back in this space:

I just cracked up. I mean, how adorable it that? She is endlessly amusing and growing up so quickly. Although not quickly enough that fart jokes still aren't silly. But fast enough that she's having sleepovers and learning compound words and multiplication tables all at a pace that feels a bit too rapid for me. I just love her.

Christmas Card anyone?

2011-11-17T09:37:00.000-08:00

I've been in a tax class for the last two days (ugh....) and haven't been taking any new pictures. I had to share one more from our walk last Sunday though. This so perfectly represents the kids. Miss E being a bit annoyed with the picture taking and her over - exuberant brother and Mr. T just hamming it up for both.

On a side note, this is the first year that Peter hasn't had to burn 12 or 24 hours of vacation time for me to go to my continuing ed class! He only had to take 3 hours off on Wednesday to drop the kids at school and then my mom picked up Mr. T at 2:30 (which he was SUPER excited about) and came home to meet Miss E's bus. School is pretty awesome, despite the fact that I feel like I have no time with Miss E anymore. I miss hanging out with just her and this weekend she's going to be gone both nights! One night to my parents and then the second night to her first sleepover party. Also, first sleepover party? When did my kid get that big?

Me and Mr. T

2011-11-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

I always swore I wouldn't be one of those moms who's never in the pictures. I want my kids to have a record of their childhood, but I also want them to have a record of me in it. However. I don't love the way I look in pictures is Peter is not a great photographer and the few that do have me in them don't turn out well. This one was taken by Miss E on our walk on Sunday. I hadn't showered, was wearing a wool hat for most of the day and obviously need to re-dye my hair (it's pretty bad, no?). But dang it, Miss E took a picture of my smiling Mr. T and I. I'm not deleting it.

In other bad picture news, here is Mr. T's school picture:

People. What happened here? He looks like he's about to be poked with a stick by an axe murderer. That's my smiling Mr. T. You know, the adorable kid with dimples in the first picture of the post? I cannot figure out what events occurred to create this travesty of photography. So now I'm trying to figure out if I should have them re-taken or not. Thoughts?

Walking in the woods

2011-11-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

The kids and I were feeling a bit cooped up this morning so we headed to a local nature area for some hiking, exploring and photos. My class assignment this week is just to take pictures of leaves, which feels pretty open ended to me but I'm going with it. Turns out my walking picture-taking speed is about the same as the kids hiking speed so we had a pretty good time. I ended up taking a bunch of pictures of the kids, because that's what I really like, and a bunch of leaves that I can't tell if they are good or not. Honest to God, my instructor walked into our last class with a brown/yellow curled up dead leaf and espoused on how wonderful it was to take pictures of. Not the pretty red or orange leaves, but a holey dead brown one. I don't know. The one below is one of my favorites that I took today but then again, I'm more likely to frame the cute one of Mr. T's face. To each his own I guess!

Yesterday, Miss E and I were out playing at a park and taking pictures and I took this one of her:

I'm not sure if I like it in black and white better just to tone down her sweater a bit. Miss E is so fun to take pictures of. She hates posing but I also hate taking posed shots so it works out. For this I just asked her to jump up and down a few times, which she happily did. Maybe I'll just take it to my class anyway.

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Veteran's Day! The kids are off of school, I am making blueberry muffins and Peter is attempting to fix our furnace. Instead of the long-ish post I was thinking about commenting on how proud I am of my Dad's service in Vietnam and how saddened I by the after effects of war, I will leave you with this little conversation that Miss E and I had this morning.

Miss E: What's Veteran's Day?

Me: A day in which we celebrate our veterans. Grandpa's a veteran.

Miss E: I know, because his parents fought in the war.

Me: Well, he fought in a war too.

Miss E: Why didn't he die?

Me: Not everyone who fights in a war dies, quite a few of them come home.

Miss E: Like Obi Wan Kenobee?

Me: Ummm...yeah, kind of like that.

Happy Veteran's day to my Dad, our own personal Obi Wan Kenobee.

The Purse Strings and the Pressure

2011-11-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

For the one who holds the purse strings:

New shoes for Mr. T, wait make that new shoes for Mr. T and two new pairs for Miss E.
Pajama's for Miss E
School fundraisers
Girl Scout field trip (to the zoo! almost overnight!)
Christmas pajama's
Groceries
The power company
More groceries
The phone company
More groceries
Gas
Gas
Our mortgage
Property taxes
More groceries
Aftercare for Mr. T
Gas
Upcoming vacation...

etc., etc., etc., etc.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, managing the day to day expenses for a household is a HUGE task. Doesn't seem like it should be but wow. There is a lot of stress and maintenance that comes along with it.

Making the burdens on our shoulders light so we don't go about our days feeling the weight is, I think, one of the biggest tricks to parenthood. Handling the responsibility, the stress, the pressure with a light heart and a happy attitude.

One quote that I found recently that I love is this: "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

So many people I think wait for their lives to calm down and be tension free to feel peaceful and happy when the reality is that you need to be able to feel peaceful and happy in the midst of the chaos.

There. A few words of wisdom from an admittedly not-wise lady, but it's free. And these days, that's a bargain. Happy Wednesday everyone!

The Business of Marriage

2011-11-07T15:11:00.000-08:00

At the heart of it, a marriage is a business. A business whose success is reflected in a well-run household, secure finances and happy children. The people who make that happen? Mom and Dad (or Mom and mom or Dad and dad or whatever combination thereof...). There are a few different ways this business can be set up. The 2 most common (stereotypical and generic) ones are outlined below:

1) Equal partners. Both parents work full time and share household/childcare duties.

2) Separate Divisions. One parent stays home, the other works. In this situation (USUALLY), the stay at home person is in charge of the household, the schedule, the meal planning, and for the most part, the raising of the children. This person does the bulk of the childcare, housecleaning, cooking and scheduling. The other person brings in income. In this relationship power is split. Each person has their domain and works within it.

And then there's the method we use - which may possibly be the worst way of running the marriage business. So. Peter works about 72 hours a week (including overtime). I work 15 hours a week. I also manage the schedule, the household, the meals and the bulk of the childcare. Because I work 15 hours a week. Here's the problem though. My work hours are in the middle of the week, during the day. Leaving Peter to handle the daily childcare, household duties and, often, to cook dinner on those days. Which means I am telling him what to do for the day when I leave for work because I know the calendar, know what each kid needs to do and made the meal plan and shopped for dinner groceries. He basically has to implement the plan. Which ends up kind of like me being the boss and him the employee. Which is no good. Because:

1) He hates being told what to do (juvenile I know but we are who we are)

and

2) this puts me in the position of checking up on him to make sure everything got done OK and see #1.

It's endlessly frustrating for both of us. He feels like I don't trust him to take care of stuff at home and I feel like he doesn't respect the systems I have in place and the work that I do. In the end we are stuck. Financially, the family needs me to work. Logistically, we need me to stay at home. This has been the impossible dichotomy I have been working under since Miss E was born. I think quite a few fire families end up in this boat since for several reasons (the fire schedule being the main one) regular day care is not a practical option but at the same time, while Peter makes a good living, it's not quite enough to get us by.

My main problem with this system is that nobody ever gets to claim the credit. He never gets the props and sense of pride for earning all of our money and I never get to fully claim ownership for how well the house and kids are doing. It's like an endless competition to the point where when I come home from work, if he has cleaned anything he immediately lists it out for me like he's waiting for a gold star and I let him know whenever I'm covering the family's extra expenses out of my bank account. And then I get annoyed that he's making a huge deal over the fact that he cleaned the sink and I'm sure he gets annoyed when he's reminded that he doesn't make quite enough to support us.

Add into this that we disagree on parenting methods (oh boy is this a big one...) and it ends up feeling like constant tension. And competition. And having winners and losers and constantly having to prove or defend yourself. It really is, I believe, the worst way to run your business.

Random

2011-11-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

A very rushed Halloween picture - they were in no mood to pose long, trick or treating was waiting!

1. I have been too busy and it's not good for anyone. On the flip side, I've learned how much I can and cannot do so hopefully this won't happen again.

2. Halloween was awesome except this year, the kids are counting their candy. Every year up until now, we have kept their buckets on the counter and given them a few pieces each day and thrown a few away each night. About a week after Halloween we let them pick 2 or 3 last pieces and then toss the stash. This has worked well, as they haven't been eating that much candy but they also haven't been feeling deprived of it. This year though, they are keeping track so we need a new system. Dang it.

3. I'm in love with this blog , it takes me back to my feminist theorist days of college in a fun way, which I never thought was possible.

4. My kids have stopped eating food. Miss E went to school with yogurt and pirate booty in her lunch and that's it. I'm pretty sure Mr. T ate pretzels for dinner last night. Meanwhile, Peter and I had a delicious corn chowder which neither of them would touch.

5. Also, tears in the morning for the last few mornings. This morning I even pulled out the "some kids aren't lucky enough to have winter coats". Not my finest moment. Once I calmed down I explained that throwing a fit because our perfectly lovely and warm winter coat was "too puffy" was not in any way ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.

6. Mr. T has been waking up screaming on and off for the last month because he thinks there's a monster in his closet. It's heartbreaking. Also a bit jarring to be woken up by screaming at 6:30 in the morning.

7. I can't wait for soccer to be over! This year has been a bit of a debacle for a variety of reasons and I am just so glad to be putting it behind us. Hopefully next year will be better.

8. Peter went to each kid's class yesterday with all his gear to do a fire safety talk for them. The kids were SO PROUD of him and Miss E told me that kids kept coming up to her all day asking her questions about him.

9. Speaking of Miss E, she's in a 1/2 blend class and is on the topish end of the 2nd grade curriculum. And she has another year in this class. Fortunately, once kids learn to read the stuff they can learn widens (umm.... the more stuff there is to learn? the depth of the academic field widens? you know what I mean) so we are going to be supplementing a lot.

10. Last night we finally showed the kids Star Wars and oh boy was there a lot to explain. Considering they have only seen animated no-fighting things so far, we spent most of the movie answering questions. About what war was and space travel and ships and who were the good guys and who were the bad guys and on and on... Miss E had a TON of questions about HOW the movie was made - are the actors really dead or just pretending? How did they film that scene? How did they do the space effects? Which kind of led me to believe that a home-school type unit on movie production might be fun. We could write a movie, act it out and film it. Maybe in January.

11. I am continually amazed by how sweet, funny and awesome my kids are. I'm a really lucky mama.

Miss E

2011-11-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

My dear Miss E. You're 7. I cannot believe that 7 years have gone by since the day you were born. When you were in my tummy, your kicks were so strong that I commented to your daddy "I think we have a strong one here" and then for your birth. Honey, you went through 3 days of labor with nary a drop in your heart rate. You walked first in our playgroup, you put on your clothes at an impossibly young age. You were the first kid doing and undoing your own car seat straps. I feel like your whole blessed life I have been trying to keep up with you and the way things are going I don't think that's going to slow down anytime soon.

This year has been a big one for you. You're lost 5 teeth including your two top front ones which is adorable. You started first grade but you are past all the first grade (and most of the second grade) curriculum so we are trying to figure out what the heck to do about that. You read, you do math, you make these incredible books and drawings, it's all just amazing to watch. You started riding a bike with gears You do not like to be told what to do. You started sleeping in! This doesn't seem like a big thing but when you have kids you'll understand. Here's what you are NOT INTO: princess things, playing dress up, superheros (although you will humor your brother sometimes), pink. Here's what you are into: science, writing, reading, picking out your own clothes (which must be comfortable and somewhat girly), mailing letters, drawing. You are thus far neutral about sports which I can't quite figure out.

Here are some words Daddy and I have described your personality as this year: smart, strong, sweet, powerful, empathetic, fierce, awesome, kind, delightful, fun, exasperating. No other person in this entire world has made me stretch more to be better. To learn, to really think about how I'm parenting, what I'm feeling and what kind of person I am. You make me want to be a better person. I mean, all parents want to be better people for their kids but something about your toughness combined with your tenderness makes me want to just be perfect for you. And while I never will be perfect, I do try and be my best. Although often I'm not and neither are you and we are learning how to work through those times together. We are both learning how to manage our emotions, to be kind in the face of anger and to think about what's best for the family.

The other night, on Halloween, Mr. T had a melt down while trick or treating. He had devised a system where you would each take turns getting to the door first but he was slower than you and you knew that it doesn't matter who gets there first that you both get candy and he just lost it. You stood there for a minute looking at him and then we urged you to just go ahead, trick or treat on your own while he calmed down. You went up to that house, said trick or treat and then asked if you could have a candy for your brother as well. Then you came down and gave it to him. You did that as the next few houses too, until he recovered and then for the rest of the night you went together, with you gently encouraging him to go to the houses he was scared of. It's things like that, that just define your personality for me. For all your toughness on the outside (which will serve you well in life) , you are very tender on the inside (which will also serve you well). A few years ago, Nana told me that it would only be a lucky few friends that would be let in to KNOW you as you truly are. And she's right. The people in your life that you let see that tender side will be lucky. Every once in awhile Daddy and I joke that on your wedding day (should you choose to get married) we are going to give your husband (should you choose a husband) a card that just says "good luck". It's partially facetious and partially true but the real truth is that whomever you let love you in your life will be a fortunate person indeed.

I hope that down the line, when you are grown, we have the sort of friend-relationship that I have with Nana because, lady, I just really like you. You are smart and fierce and funny and sweet and observant and full of a sense of yourself that most grown ups don't have yet. Happy happy birthday my dear. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.

Mr. T at the pumpkin patch

2011-10-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have stuff to do....

there are soccer parties to plan and Miss E's birthday post to write (yes, I'm the mom of a 7 year old now!), and plants to plant and bills to pay and reading to practice and chemistry kits to put together and painting projects to be done and meals to plan and football things to brag about and friends to see and my photography class homework and the numerous school things I have somehow gotten myself into not to mention blog posts to write....

BUT

I have an eye infection. And that's pretty much stopped me. AN EYE INFECTION. It hurts like the dickens, as my grandfather would say. It's actually hurt for 2 weeks ( I know....) and I ignored it, hoping things would get better and they didn't. Until finally the inner voice in my head yelled - SARAH! It's your EYES! Your freaking EYES! Why are you messing around with what you know is an infection and HOPING it gets better? In your EYES?! - Yes, my inner voice yells sometimes but really, what was I thinking? Eyes are kind of important you know. So today I headed to the eye doctor and you know what? It turns out that you can't go years of changing your contacts without washing your hands or cleaning the containers, or trying to save money by wearing your month-long contacts for 3 months or having a glasses prescription that is so old it's at least one or two prescriptions behind your contacts so you never really wear them, without something getting infected. Who knew?

This is kind of the story of your mid-30's - a bunch of various medical professionals telling you that your body actually CAN'T absorb the sort of abuse you heaped on it in your 20's. Flossing? Exercising? Changing your contacts? Eating vegetables? Getting enough sleep? Turns out you actually have to do those things.

My formal punishment is 3x daily antibiotic drops, new glasses, and pain for the next few days. I am sincerely hoping to not have to repeat this little life lesson.

Winner winner chicken dinner

2011-10-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

I've been taking this photography class one night a week that's been pretty good overall. I don't necessarily like the teacher as a person but he is a good teacher so I am sticking with and enjoying the class. (hello maturity - where were you in college?)

We've been practicing photographing movement and while I had very little time to do the assignment, the wrong lens on my camera and several settings adjusted wrong, I ended up somehow with this picture which I liked very much. He liked it to apparently even though (as he put it) "most of the good components were by happy accident" - you gotta love a back handed compliment/insult. But I felt really good about it because I know that I'm a better photographer than he thinks I am. And I really like this picture of Miss E in all it's blurry disarray.

Other Parents

2011-10-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

After school snack for my little foodie

Dear Other Parents:

Are you kidding me? For real serious kidding me? You see at the beginning of soccer season when no one volunteered to organize the end of the year party, I silently hoped that one day I would see the email with someone volunteering. Then half way through the season when our coach said "hey all...we should have an end of season pizza party " kind of like every grade school soccer team ever does.... there were crickets. A few of you brazen folks e-mailed back with "that sounds like a great idea!". Yeah it does. Here's the issue for those who aren't getting it. The coach is the coach. His commitment to the team extends to being a volunteer coach. He does not traditionally, have to plan the end of season party. The e-mail was a indirect (and albeit, ineffective) way on his part of soliciting a volunteer. Again, I hoped that someone would volunteer. I wanted to ask someone to do it but that seemed lame. However, here's what's on my plate - my husband is coaching a different soccer team, I am the room parent for my son's class, I'm the snack coordinator for the soccer team already, I work part time, I volunteer in the library and the classroom and help out with girl scouts. I know we are all busy. Some of us more than others but for right now, I'm full. I'm doing my part for the school. However, after hearing 3 weeks of crickets while the coach dropped hints (dear coach - don't drop hints just ask directly) and then finally hearing him say he'd put his wife in charge, I opened my mouth and said I would help her. And then, long story short, ended up doing the whole thing - pizza party, coaches gift, etc.

Now, I am the first to admit that I am choosing to do this. I didn't have to open my mouth and volunteer and that's fine. But here's the rub. I finally found a place and a time (which was not easy since about 30 soccer teams are ending their season that day) and here's a sampling of the responses I have received thus far:

"Could you move it to another day since I'm setting up for the auction that afternoon...." (umm...really? Move the entire party because you have a commitment?)

"We're not coming because that place doesn't have vegan pizza" (Ok seriously. Your daughter is 6. She wants to be with the girls. Bring her your own slice of freakin vegan pizza and show up...WTF.)

In short, other parents, get over yourselves. I am the first one to say that spending Saturday afternoon at a pizza parlor while 15 girls run around begging for money for video games is not my idea of a good time. But this is one of the things we do for them. They have played soccer in 90 degree heat and freezing muddy rain. They have showed up for practice once a week when they were tired after school. It's a celebration of the end of the season. So please, suck it up.

Humbled

2011-10-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Raise your hand if you kids woke up this morning and fought over everything before school - breakfast, toys, getting ready - EVERYTHING. There were tears and pushing and everything was a crisis - the backpack, the shoes, the lunch - and then you lost it and yelled in your really really loud and scary voice at them right before you left for school. Enough so that each kid in the car had tears in their eyes that they wouldn't let spill because we were headed to school. And you told them you wouldn't walk them in, that it was curbside drop off which you know your son hates, and then as they got out of the van you see your daughter, who had done nothing but be mean to him this morning, grab his hand and comfort him as they walked in together hand in hand. And then you felt small and guilty and mean.

(raises hand)

Miss E's note to the Tooth Fairy

2011-10-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

We had a fantastic three day weekend full of fun and sports and family and it was just awesome. You know those days where everything seems to click, nobody calls their brother or sister stupid and you just look at the people around you in awe of how lucky you are? Yeah. It was that kind of weekend.

On Saturday Miss E lost her first top front tooth. At her soccer game. About 10 seconds after they shot the team picture. She didn't want to put it under her pillow Saturday night because we stayed at my sister's house and she was worried that the tooth fairy wouldn't find it. So tonight she pulled out the tooth pillow, wrote the note below, and put it next to her pillow, waiting for the tooth fairy visit. All evening she kept grinning at me randomly and saying "tonight is my night!". It was so cute. As is the part in her note about how the tooth fairy should check in on Mr. T. He was feeling a bit left out since he hasn't lost any teeth yet and she was reassuring him tonight that his turn is coming soon. Apparently she wants the tooth fairy to be ready.

The note (with her spelling):

Dear tooth fairy...

I just got back from Engen visieting my casinse. I lost my tooth after soccer picters on Saturday. I decited I would wait till tonight to put it in my tooth pillow. I like when you leave me money to buy my own prize. Could I please keep my tooth? My room might look diferent beacase we moved it around. I also like when you levea me a presint.

Love, E

P.S. - this is my 4th tooth

P.P.S. - Whale your visiting please take a look at my brother.

P.P.P.S. You only have to do this caseue he is going to start losing teeth.

P.P.P.P.S. - Just so you know him.

P.P.P.P.P.S. - You don't have to if you don't have time.

Love, E

P.S. My birthday is 10-23-11

Snippets

2011-10-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Snippets of our day:

Miss E's new list of preferred jobs when she grows up (in order) - veterinarian, paint-your-own pottery place employee, school teacher.

Mr. T let me sleep until 7:40 (no school today) and then came up to cuddle with me in bed because "he thought I hadn't had a cuddle in awhile"

Pizza with Daddy at the fire station for lunch.

Mr. T running and running around the bay so I could take photos for my photography homework, declaring that he was too tired from running, and then running 10 more laps.

Miss E helping Mr. T with his homework and both kids laughing and talking about their reading teachers.

Miss E telling me that I am the "greatest mommy ever" out of nowhere at dinner.

Making or should I say - failing miserably at making carmel apples.

It was a good day.

Green Monster

2011-10-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not proud of this, but in the last year this girl's total vegetable intake has consisted of about 3 pieces of lettuce and 1 potato. French fries are not included in this total. Her fruit intake is somewhat better, in that she eats some most days but it's still pretty abysmal. I have let it slide because 1) I can't make her eat and 2) we've had so many other battles going on that I don't want EVERYTHING to be a fight. So she has continued on with her diet of carbs, cheese, peanut butter and the occasional apple, grapes or pears. To be fair, while she is not eating an abundance of healthy food, she is also not eating junk food. Very very small amounts of candy, chips and no soda pop. She and I both like to drink carbonated water with fresh squeezed orange in it and to her that is "soda". We of course have home-cooked cookies and treats but not alot. And so it has continued on for about a year, this diet of unhealthiness. But it nags at the back (and front) of my mind that she's not eating vegetables, that she's growing rapidly, that a multi-vitamin just isn't enough. So, as of late, I have renewed energy on getting the kid to eat some vegetables. Since I have given up on her doing it outright, I am going the hiding route which philosophically I don't agree with but at this point we're down to whatever works.

Enter the green monster smoothie! I pulled out this recipe and made it for an after-school snack today. We were out of bananas so I skipped those but I did put everything else in and I have to say, the end flavor was orange juice. If your eyes were closed, you would think you were drinking an orange citrus smoothie. It was a bit tart without the banana but she drank 2 glasses! Mr. T drank 1! I put it out there as a "treat" that I made for them after school and it went over so well. For the first time ever, that girl has a full serving of spinach in her! And there was no fighting or bargaining over dessert or whining!

Yes, that's a lot of exclamation points but even if I put 40 of them in a row, it wouldn't adequately express how awesome this is. (Just please don't tell her...shh..)

The Birthday List

2011-10-05T13:26:00.000-07:00

Peter and Miss E on their way to a wedding last weekend.

Miss E's birthday is coming up this month and she has been diligently working on her birthday list. She doesn't want a party with friends or anything special on her birthday other than a picnic at the park but she does have a list that she has been carefully crafting for the last few weeks. It is so unusual and speaks so much to her personality that I had to share.

Miss E's 7th Birthday list:

Lock for my bedroom door (I clarified she means lock from the inside, not the outside, she looked a little horrifed when I suggested that although I'd be lying if I said Peter and I hadn't ever considered it.)

Musical Card

Pot holder weaving kit

New games for my Leapster

Venus fly trap

Match box cars - specifically police car, fire engine and ambulance

Lego kits - Hillside house, Space alien, City Airport, City Train Station, Winter Village, Log Cabin

Smiley Face stickers

Magic 8 ball - the grumpy one

Whoopy cushion

Big swirly lollypop eraser

Science isperamint kits (her spelling)

More Captain Underpants books (ummm....no)

An American Flag

More Fudge books

More Magentic blocks

Some Ruby Lu books

More Nana takes the Reins books

A pillowcase for playing in

Some seeds to plant in the garden

Some more Ramona books

A Pogostick

An orange bell and horn for my bike

Some oil pastels

A white t-shirt that I can color on

Face painting sticks (also no)

Judy Moody Mood Journal

Judy Moody's Book of Fun Stuff to do

It is the most comprehensive adorable list and I am trying to refrain from getting her everything on it. With no party, there is a bigger budget for presents but we aren't going to get her all of it, as I think that sets a precedent that we don't want to. Also, and I'm pretty sure this takes us out of the running for parents of the year, but the van needs new tires so party money for the party she doesn't want is going to go to that. Please don't judge.

I am setting a few things aside for stocking stuffers, and tooth fairy gifts but really, how sweet (and random) is that list?

Speaking of over-committed.....

2011-10-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Saturday we had two soccer games, and then the firefighter's union picnic. Miss E played in her game, which was an accomplishment in itself, and Mr. T scored his first goal in his. The Union picnic had bounce houses and you know what tires kids out? Soccer games followed by bounce houses. They both were asleep by 7:30 although Miss E felt the need to yell for about an hour previous to that. My migraine was not amused.

Sunday Peter took Miss E to watch the cross country races. It was rainy and cold but she is always up for adventure and they had french fries and hot chocolate and it seems to have gone well. Mr. T stayed home with me, I was finally feeling good after saying good-bye to a 4 day long migraine and Mr. T, well, he's about as much of a home-body as me. He spend the entire day playing with Lego's and the Magnetic blocks (best toys ever). I cleaned this and that and did a few projects and mostly just enjoyed the upper half of my body feeling normal again.

This morning (Monday) I spent 2 hours at the school helping with vision testing, another 2 hours shelving books in the library and then went to work for another 5 hours. It was a long long day. Remember when I was saying I had over-committed myself at the school? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Fortunately, the vision things was a one-time thing and I am gracefully bowing out of the commitments that I can and things should no be so busy next month. But I am tired. And we have birthdays to plan, trips to figure out how to pay for, calendar things to schedule, and things to clean. Not to mention kids to read to and play with.

Overall though, we are plugging along. Everyone is getting more used to the schedule, the kids been on a much more even keel and things are just continuing on.

Random bit from the weekend: At the union picnic, at one point the bounce house fan stopped working and the house collapsed on itself. Mr. T was bouncing in it so I got up and started walking over just to make sure he was OK. I wasn't too worried as it was a pretty small bounce house and really, what better place to get trapped in one that at a picnic filled with firefighters, but I still wanted to check. Just as Miss E ran up to me freaking out because she thought Mr. T was trapped in there, he came popping out of nowhere and in his happy, excited voice slapped me a high 5 and said "I got out of there just in time! The roof almost fell on me!" Seriously. The kid is even excited when a building collapses on him. Future firefighter indeed.

School Conferences

2011-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

This morning I had school conferences for both the kids - one right after another. And, as I did last year, I left there reveling in how awesome the kids are and how awesome our school is. I was a bit nervous going in about Miss E's. Mr. T, I knew, was fine. He's right where he's supposed to be, his teacher thinks he's the funniest kid ever, and he's doing great.

Miss E, I was a bit more worried about. You see, with her, she's kind of gotten used to everything being EASY. Reading is easy, math is easy. Last year she covered for that by spending her time learning about the mechanics of school and being social (which is not her easiest thing) but this year, she kind of has that stuff down. And while I love that she's good at school, I also don't want her to assume that she never has to TRY for anything or THINK about anything. To her credit, she's very self-motivated - yesterday on her rest time she wrote a 5 page story and did 4 worksheets on synonyms, antonyms and homonyms - and that's great but she's not really being challenged at school like I had hoped.

BUT. It's awkward to be the parent who walks into the conference and tells the teacher that her kid is super smart and that the class isn't hard enough. Part of it is because I have this fear of coming off as the "flash-card" parent - you know the type, the super-driven, kids have to stop playing at a certain time everyday to do flash cards or other structured learning -and they're 3. Because we aren't like that. I strongly value free play time for the kids, I actually delayed Miss E learning to read a little bit so she could focus on more creative play. But at this point, at this conference, I knew the time had come to push for her to be challenged more. And I was nervous.

In the end, I should have had faith in the school because it's awesome and so is her teacher. Turns out (unbeknownst to me), her kindergarten teacher put her on a TAG watch-list. But at this school they try really hard not to test kids in kindergarten for TAG because once you test, you can't re-test for 2 years and kindergarten is so young, that they end up with a lot of false negatives. So she was going to be tested at the beginning of this year. But then her teacher met her and realized that being pulled into a strange room with a strange teacher during the first month of school would not produce a good result with Miss E and is delaying the testing until January or so, when Miss E is more comfortable and such. I was thrilled. Not necessarily because of the TAG thing, I don't really care one way or the other if she qualifies and I don't think it means that much extra, but because her teacher, at this early point in the year, seems to KNOW her so well and to understand her. And the teacher seems to be on the same page about making everything more challenging. Whew. What a sigh of relief.

There is no blessing at school greater than a teacher who knows and likes your child. It's just huge.

Life in General

2011-09-26T15:14:00.000-07:00

This is what the kids did Sunday while we watched the morning game. Made a fort on the couch and then Miss E read a bunch of books to Mr. T.

Things have been super busy around here AND I really want to get back to doing the 365. I'm no good at this whole 'blogging events and big things", I'm better at just jotting down the day to day. I have all these written and saved up posts that I don't want to publish because they are too soapboxy and offensive about religion or gender roles (and how our mother's perceive them) and such. And really the blog is a place where I can record the day to day of my life and my children's life. So often I feel like things are flying by and I am so busy trying to keep up with it all that I'm not soaking in the moment and the NOW of life. It's so much filled with meal plans and schedules and getting everyone ready for soccer practice and remembering who has library today or who has PE and errands, that I find the weeks flying by. It doesn't help that I have over-volunteered myself at the school this year. I'm trying to scale it back as I can but the things I'm committed to, I'm committed to so I'm just going to have to make it work.

To balance the busyness, I'm trying as much as I can to keep our weekends un-scheduled. Other than soccer on Saturdays, the kids have had free reign to do whatever they want, I've been cooking yummy things and of course, Sundays are football days. And a birthday party in the case of this weekend. Starting in October I'm taking a photography class in the evenings and I think that might be a good point to start a 365 project again. For now it will be random posts. Hope you are all having a lovely September!

Humbling

2011-09-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Is there a support group for parents of "spirited" children? If not, there should be. No one in my life has ever made me grow, learn, step up, question myself and feel like a failure like this girl. She is full of life and spirit and difficulty and curiosity and power and adventure.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping and she didn't want to go. We get to the store and she refused to get out of the car. We finally get into the store and she starts stomping her feet and making a very loud whining noise. So, I don't know about you, but I feel like 6 is too old to be throwing a tantrum in public. I'm good with it up until about 4 and then I'm not such a fan. She knows this. So I tell her that if she continues to act up at the store, we're not going to be able to go out to dinner that night just the two of us (as we had planned). Then she decides to push the cart and makes up a really cute game of deciding which groceries are "girls", which ones are "boys" and which ones are the "naughty kids". Then she places them in the cart accordingly. The rest of the trip was the game (awesome) or stomping her feet (not awesome). I told her on a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 10 for wonderful and a 10 for a pain the kazoo. And it's freakin' true. She's either driving me CRAZY or we're having the best time ever. But she's giving me gray hair while we're at it.

They say it's your birthday

2011-09-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's my birthday today. I am turning 36 which, as my husband so sweetly put it, is closer to 40 than 30. Lovely, isn't he? Truth be told, getting older doesn't bother me. I don't feel like I'm close to 40 and I do feel wiser and more secure with each year that passes. This year of my life has inadvertently become the year of living without. I am giving up 2 of the things that have been crutches or addictions or coping mechanisms for me. Not forever, but for a bit just to see how it feels to live without.

The first thing is buying anything for myself- clothes, jewelry, shoes, bags. In the past I have spent way too much money on clothes, gone shopping when I was upset to cool down and other such things. Now, I don't necessarily think those things are terrible, but here was the turning point for me. In May I bought a bunch of stuff for my trip to Spain. One morning just before I left I found myself standing in front of a stuffed closet unable to find a short sleeved shirt to wear with my jeans. And jeans are pretty much the only pants I wear. That's crazy. Having a full closet and taking half an hour to find something that you want to wear or feel comfortable wearing? Crazy. Right then I decided that I wasn't going to buy anything for myself for a year to use what I have, get re-aquatinted with my closet and get rid of stuff that I have and don't wear. Of course, I didn't want this to be more about NOT having something than evaluating so I figured that if Peter got me a gift certificate or bought something for me that would be OK.

The first two months were really hard. Harder than they should have been and hard enough to convince me that I was doing the right thing. Walking through a clothing store I felt like an ex-alcoholic walking through a liquor store. The smell! I tell you, Banana Republic and Anthropologie pipe something into their stores to make them smell a certain way. Of course, I haven't done that other than when necessary but as the months have passed I have been able to walk by a store without feeling the urge to go in.

The other thing I'm giving up (just for a month) is sugar. If you know me in real life, you know that sweets are my thing. After lunch, after dinner, my taste buds cry out for something desserty. The only way I could make this successful is to allow myself to eat sugary things that I have baked at home. I made cinnamon rolls last weekend and had one of those with the kids. I'm obviously going to eat a slice of the birthday cake that Peter is making for me. But I have given up all store-bought candy, doughnuts, and ice cream. I'm figuring on trying it for a month and seeing how I feel after.

In no way did I plan all of this, it's just as I've been getting older and thinking about my life and my habits it feels good to also see how it feels to give up somethings I never thought I could.

Morning Movie Date

2011-09-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, Peter and I like to go on a date. Without the kids. Crazy, I know. Thus far though, we have been ridiculous failures at finding a babysitter. We don't know a lot of older kids in our neighborhood and my parents babysit JUST ENOUGH that it's not a true necessity. Plus, I like my girls nights and he likes to go to shows and we each do those independently. Peter often tells me that if we went to church (which we don't) we would have no problem finding a babysitter and that, to him, is the only thing we are missing out on by not being religious. Babysitters.

But I digress..... This year, there are 2 days a week when the kids are in school until at least 3. Peter has time off during the days, I only work three days a week so therefore - DATE MORNINGS. You know who's in the theater for the Tuesday 11am showing of Contagion? Us and two other people. Add in some coffee beforehand and a trip to the grocery store after (I know...) and we has us a date!

This picture isn't actually from our date - it's from back to school night - the actual picture from our date is in my phone. My new phone! Which is awesome but I am so far at a loss as to how pictures move from the phone to the computer. Someday, I'll figure it out. Until then, here's a picture of Peter on our way to back to school night. Which was kind of a date, since we didn't have kids with us. But not really since it involved sitting in teeny tiny chairs filling out volunteer forms and listening to information on reading curriculum.

It's Over

2011-09-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

It's done. The last of our college animals is gone. The doctor came yesterday to do it and in the end, I felt sadness and a bit of relief. The life Samson was living was not a life he would have been happy with. I am also glad that we didn't have Miss E there for the euthanasia, it would have been really hard for her and for me. That was kind of my only time too to just be sad for myself. Not worried about how anyone else was handling it, but just be sad because I was losing a kitty who had been with me for 17 years. When Miss E and Mr. T got home from school we told them both independently (they got out at different times) and it seemed to go over OK. They were both sad, but nobody was shocked as they had been prepped that this was going to happen at some point soon. The lady who did it shaved a bit of his hair to put in a little baggie for Miss E and I think she was happy to have a tangible reminder of him. We also printed out a few pictures and gave each of the kids their own picture in a frame that they could put wherever they wanted in their rooms. I left his blankets and dishes around the house, and I think Miss E and I will pick them up together this weekend. All in all, it went as good as could be expected.

As a bonus, last night while Miss E was reading in bed, our other cat jumped up to lay with her. Normally, this was Samson's thing. He laid on her bed every night, in fact, that was the last place he could jump up to this week before his back legs started hurting. But he laid on her rug instead, keeping her company. Our other cat never ventured in there. Tonight though, as she lay there reading SuperFudge, Tangerine jumped right on her bed and snuggled with her, like he's been doing it all along.

Handling a Pet Death with kids

2011-09-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Most days, even though I'm getting closer to 40 than 30, I don't feel like an adult. Yes, there are responsibilities but mostly they don't weigh heavy on my shoulders. When we first had the kids I spent a few years learning to be tough. To put aside my immediate needs for another. To step up and handle a problem, not because I wanted to or thought I could, but because there was no one else. But for the most part, I am now realizing, babies are not actually that hard to take care of. Physically hard to care for, yes. Otherwise? Not so much. Their problems are pretty simple as are the answers and so for the most part I have sailed through my life feeling more like a young adult than a full-fledged responsible grown up.

Every once in awhile though, things get hard and that weight settles on my shoulders. Points in our marriage a few years back where it became clear that a divorce was actually the easier thing to do. Figuring out how to handle some behavior from the kids we've been going through and now, on the eve of the death of one of our beloved cats, the weight is there again. How do we talk the kids through this? Should they be there for the euthanasia? Should we let Miss E see the body after he dies? Should we even tell them it's happening before it does?

You know what I've come up with so far? I DON'T KNOW. This cat is Miss E's special buddy. She feeds him every night, he sleeps in her room. They cuddle. She's also at the most awkward age for this where, at 6, she's too aware for us to gloss it over (as we'll most likely be able to do with Mr. T) but she's also too young to truly understand. She knows he's been sick and we've been talking about bodies shutting down as you get older. I've told her he's about as old as a cat can get. Last night though, I tried to explain euthanasia (or as the kids now call it "the shot that makes you dead") and obviously, that didn't go over well. We have someone coming to the house to do it tomorrow while they are at school. I have not told them that. We figured it would be impossible to get them out the door if they knew Sammy was going to die while they were at school. So far my plan is to pick them up after school and tell them then. That will give us the weekend to grieve and process before they have to go back to school. Is it weird to plan your pet's euthanasia around your kids school schedule? I don't know.

Miss E told me last night that if Sammy died she would have to take him off her quilt square at school. When I asked her what that was, she explained that they were putting pictures of all the super special things in their lives on their quilt squares for a class project and she put Sammy on hers. After my heart broke in a million pieces I reminded her that she could keep him on because we will always love and remember him even after he's gone. I hope that was the right answer.

Now we are struggling with whether or not we should let the kids see his body after it's done. Neither Peter nor I thinks that is a great idea but I also don't like the idea that they went to school one day and came home and he was gone. There's only so far talking about it can go really. She knows it is going to happen sometime soon and I had her make a list of all the things she loves and wants to remember about him but..... again I come back to the I DON'T KNOW. Over and over again.

At this point, it's happening to tomorrow, they aren't going to see the body and we'll tell them when they get home from school. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope and pray that we are going to navigate through this correctly and that I will somehow know how to do or say the right thing to make this easier on the kids.

Miss E's first day of First Grade

2011-09-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

On the first day I dropped Miss E off in first grade. Her teacher had their seat assignments ready for the meet and greet last week so we knew exactly where she would be sitting and her supplies had all already been dropped off. This made walking into the classroom on day 1 much less intimidating. A few kids from kindergarten are in her class, as are a few of the girls in her girl scout troupe. Since the class is a 1/2 blend the 2nd graders are all new to her. My hope is that this year she can work up with the second graders so she won't be so bored with the academic side of school. Where that leaves us for next year, I don't know but I trust in the school so we'll see how it ends up.

She and Mr. T got their game faces on before we left. Big day here, big day.

A little nervous in the classroom. She is sitting in between two 2nd grade girls that she doesn't know and across from two 1st grade boys that she does know. By the time I left, most of the kids were happily coloring and 1 kid was puking in the sink from nerves. Here's what speaks volumes about this teacher. She didn't freak out about the kid puking and she had an aide get him out of the room and down the hall to the health room with such grace that none of the other kids in the class noticed he was throwing up.

When Miss E got home that day she was really excited because T, the daughter of our girl scout leader, apparently ran into a bar on the playground and ended up going to the hospital to get 6 stitches in her forehead. Then she came BACK to school and was an instant celebrity on the playground. Yep. Puking and stitches, that's a bang up first day of 1st grade!

The hard part about this start of the year is going to be adjusting to the full day schedule. The nice thing is all the first graders came from half day kindergarten so the teacher built the entire first week around getting comfortable. They had three recesses a day, quiet time in the middle of the day and she had been reading them chapters of SuperFudge. I can see at home that MIss E is tired but she is apparently holding it together well as proven by her teacher's evening phone call home telling me how great Miss E is. Half way into the second week, things are starting to even out. They have a routine and all the stuff that Miss E LOVES about school -gym class, library, music class, assemblies - are starting to happen. All in all, things are going pretty well.

The first day was also her first day of soccer practice as well. See those shoes? 4 stores later those were the only style she wanted and Peter and I ended up driving out to a store by the airport (35 minute trip one way) after we dropped the kids off that morning to get the only pair in her size left in the greater Portland area. You know why she HAD to have them? They come with 8 color cards that you can insert into them to change the color of the swoosh. Well played Nike, well played.

Mr. T's first day of Kindergarten

2011-09-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

EAch of the kids has been in some form of preschool for 3 years now. True, when they were 2 it was 2 days a week for a few hours each time but still, some form of preschool. Each year in September they have had different first days or one or the other of them will have what I call a "no big deal" 1st day. Low anxiety, familiar teacher something like that. This year for the first time both the kids started school on the exact same day at the exact same time and these were BIG DEAL first days. I won't lie, it felt stressful navigating them both through the first day and week of school but so far (fingers crossed) everything is going great.

He was pretty excited about his first day and a little bit nervous since it was going to be a new teacher. Peter dropped him off since I was dropping off Miss E and he only took one (one!) dark picture of Mr. T in his classroom. I haven't been back in to take another one because his teacher, while totally and completely awesome in every way, does not want parents in the classroom this first month. Something about the kids being independent or some such idea.... The other morning my toe crossed the threshold as I said goodbye to him and she cheerfully and immediately directed Mr. T and I to wave goodbye to each other. Yes, I have been 86'd from a kindergarten classroom.

The kindergarten bus brings the morning kindergarten kids home and drops them off directly at your house. The bus driver (Jase) was Miss E's bus driver from last year. He's awesome. And last year as he dropped off Miss E on the first day of school I mentally freaked out that someone I didn't know was driving my daughter around. This year Peter and I were happy to see him and chatted for a moment about how our summers had been. Mr. T was super nervous and excited about the bus. Since then it's been one of his favorite things. "It's like a car mommy but bigger and you don't have to wear seatbelts!"

After school of course there were freshly made cookies. I think this whole kindergarten thing is going to work out alright.

September 11

2011-09-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

Each year, this day becomes more of a question mark for me. Remembering fills me with a deep sense of sadness, mournful that our world changed on that day. For Peter, he both likes and hates working on this day. This year he's working which means participating in 3 different September 11 memorial events. It's hard for the guys to do this every year, but they also know that it's important and are glad to do it. I think if he went to work and there were no September 11 events scheduled he would be simultaneously relieved and deeply disappointed.

As for me, my question each year becomes - do I tell the kids? I know many fire families have told their kids about this day early and often in their lives, without creating fear and instead crafting pride and respect for the fire service. I have chosen not to tell the kids yet because I don't want the thought to even cross their mind as they board their first plane flight that something bad might happen to the plane. I don't want them to hear about actual events where firefighters have died and buildings have collapsed. They know Peter's job is dangerous but right now it's in the abstract. They know there are bad people in the world but somehow this crosses the line from "bad" people.

But as Miss E gets older and is more aware of her surroundings, each year I find myself asking, is this the year? Right now I'm pretty much waiting until they ask about it - which has pretty much been our policy on most parenting things so far. We don't let them watch the news and when Miss E is obviously reading the newspaper I give it a quick scan to make sure there's nothing really bad on the page she's reading. She'll pick up on something eventually I'm sure but I'm unsure as to whether I should help that along.

10 years ago I woke up on a week-long bike ride in the middle of nowhere in Eastern Oregon. I was with my mom and my sister and Peter was at our home, working for the ambulance company and as a volunteer. There was no TV or radio where we were and as we are eating breakfast a woman on a bullhorn announced out of the blue that our country was under attack and that all national guard troops would be supplied phones to call in and assistance returning to their bases. We had no idea what had happened. As we rode our bikes that day a few folks with radios would pass along brief snippets of information. A plane flew into a building. A plane crashed into field. There are fighter jets patrolling over New York City. 20 firefighters died. At the time I thought - 20? There's no way that many could die in an incident. And then, I wonder if there were people on the plane? It wasn't until that evening at our rest stop in another location that we were able to call home. They brought in extra phones so people could call relatives on the East Coast. I finally got ahold of Peter and he told me what really happened.

At this point he had just been hired by the fire department.

So every year I wonder, is this the year? And then - should I have told them last year?

Week 1

2011-09-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

Whew. It's been a crazy week. Miss E started 1st grade, Mr. T started kindergarten, my sister had surgery, I had a 4 day long migraine and Peter and I celebrated 9 years of marriage. Mix in some work, a few tantrums, a million errands, soccer and the start of football season and there you have it. It's been busy and hard and wonderful - just like life with 2 little kids normally is. I'm going to do individual posts about each of the kids starting school because this is such a big year for both of them but haven't had time yet. I can't wait to start another 365 because for some reason blogging one picture a day seems to come easier to me than this blogging randomly.

On a side note: This evening, Miss E threw a huge tantrum. She is tired and still adjust to full day school and we have had some....behavior. Anyhoo, there was a huge tantrum with yelling and telling me she hated me and on and on and on. About an hour after this kind of ridiculous tantrum her teacher called us at home just to tell me that Miss E was an "angel" and how glad she was that she was going to get to be her teacher for 2 years. She went on about how smart Miss E is, what a great attitude she had and how "whatever we're doing at home must be working". I swear, not 45 minutes earlier the girl had kicked at me and told me I was the dumbest mommy ever. Ahh...motherhood. In the midst of the negative there shines a light of pride and positiveness. I'm so proud of my kiddo, I know this a huge adjustment for her and she's doing the best she can to make it work.

The Beach - Part 2

2011-09-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

Seeing as we started school today, I should probably post the rest of last weeks beach pictures already. I can't say enough how lovely this trip was. Yes, there were a few tantrums and a few "moments" and Mr. T did wake up at 6:15 and immediately started calling for Miss E to wake up but overall, it was one of the best mini-vacations we've ever had.

The second day was much more cloudy and overcast than the first - still warm but not sunny. We also had a crazy high tide that came up and over that little bridge leading down from the hotel. Mr. T and Miss E played and played in the sand though and this picture it the only photographic evidence we have of Mr. T's guy that he "catapulted and then buried" in the sand. He was not recovered.

Miss E was thrilled with the water coming in so far. Normally I wouldn't let her stand on a drift log with the tide coming up around it but we were so far back from the actual surf that it was OK. That bridge was swamped over the bottom step on the highest waves. Our hotel room was on the bottom, second one in from the right. It worked great for quick clothing changes, bathroom breaks and snack re-fills.

Peter and Mr. T built a huge mountain of sand and then Mr. T had a great time throwing his body into it to knock it down. Boys.

Sunset walk on the beach after the tide had receded.

Miss E and I playing Bananagrams in the condo.

On the last day we'd had enough lazing around so we went sightseeing on the way home. When we made our list at the beginning of the summer of all the things we wanted to do this summer, Miss E put "lighthouse" on it so we stopped at this one.

She climbed all the way up with me. At the top they wouldn't let you go outside or into the light area so it was a little anti-climatic but she was happy anyway.

Last stop was the aquarium. Touch tanks, sharks, snakes and sea birds. Then home again home again jiggity jig.

Overall it was a great summer. The completed tasks on our list included:

Booby traps,
Camping
Smores
Sleep in a tent (I know, this is pretty much the same as camping but the kids were in charge of what went on the list)
Waterfall
Hiking
Fishing
Swimming
Berry picking
Festival or carnival
Go to a farm
Go to the beach
Ride bikes
Movies
Play outside
Get pool out
Lighthouse
BBQ
Make berry desserts
Eat outside.

Done all around and that's a wrap on the summer.

(although truly, we are having our hottest weather of the year now, for the first week of school)

The Beach - Part 1

2011-09-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week we spent 3 days at the beach as a family just enjoying the last trip of summer. I had planned this trip on my own and it was a surprise for Peter and the kids. They knew we were going somewhere but they didn't know where. I intended for the trip to be easy, fun and relaxing (i.e., not camping or far distance or busy travel). I also have this thing about going to the beach (must be done at least once a year) and ever since we've had kids I insist on oceanfront accommodations, I think because for the past 6 years we've spent a good part of the time in the hotel room with a napping/early to bed kid and really, if you're at the beach you have to see the ocean.

We tried out a new beach and a new place to stay and it was beautiful. The best beach area for kids we've been to and the weather was gorgeous. I split this into 2 posts because it's so picture heavy but I couldn't resist. It was so lovely all around.

First stop, lunch. Clam chowder at Mo's and Peter and Mr. T wanted their picture taken in front of this FDNY sign. (Side note - I have not told my kids about September 11 yet. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's so horrific and with Peter being a firefighter, I just can't. Last year I actually started to - in an age-appropriate way- and couldn't finish. Maybe this year.)

Second stop, beach. Well check into condo and then beach. This right here is why this beach is so perfect. The actual surf is a bit farther out but these rivers and pools fill each high tide. The kids could play in this water to their hearts content without the danger that the Oregon surf poses.

I'm reading a book ON THE BEACH with my kids. First time ever. Normally near the ocean we are hyper-vigilant and near the kids. I've lived in Oregon my entire life and have a healthy respect for our ocean. Sneaker waves are for real people. With this place, we were set so far back the kids were able to play a bit more and I was able to relax (a little).

Building a sand castle.

Miss E spent her own money on a mood ring this trip. It was the most adorable thing ever. She believes in their power to tell her mood so all weekend she would look at it and then tell me how she was feeling. It was just the sweetest thing to see her so excited about the power of the mood ring.

After dinner tide-pooling. The first night we had a crazy negative tide (the next day would prove to be a crazy high tide) and so we were able to see rocks that weren't normally exposed. Miss E collected all kinds of shells and crab claws/legs she found on the beach and commenced to call that orange bucket her "bucket of body parts". As in "Hey Mr. T, do you want to see my bucket of body parts?". We even brought it home with us after I lost the argument that it would stink up the van.

Mussels and barnacles.

A conversation

2011-09-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

Me: Mr. T, because we're having dinner guests tonight, I need you to pick up your Toy Story toys and magnetic blocks off of the living room rug in the next 20 minutes.

Miss E: And pants - he should put pants on too.

Me: Umm.. yes, put pants on as well.

Awkward

2011-09-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I've always been a bit socially awkward. Meeting new people, small talk with strangers, shallow acquaintances - none of those are really my thing. I'm not great at it but I'm also not bad. As I have aged, I have learned to own this part of my personality, to do the things I need to with grace and not just manage, but enjoy these niceties with people. Most of the time.

This morning, was the school "Meet and Greet" for the kids. This is where you go to school, meet your teacher and class mates and drop off your school supplies. I went with Mr. T and Peter was with Miss E. She was flipping out at the house a bit so they left early, Mr. T's stomach hurt (side note - the kid has not pooped in 2 years without crying and yes we've seen doctors but it SUCKS all around) and we ended up being late. Which was fine. I did this last year with Miss E, I know it's more of a social hour and there's no set agenda so it didn't matter that we were 15 minutes late.

However. All last year and this summer we have been talking about how Mr. T is going to be in Ms. Nguyen's class next year. She was Miss E's teacher last year and the only half day kindergarten teacher at the school. We know her, Mr. T knows her and at the end of the school year when I asked her if she would be back she said "yes, that's the plan". OK. Great. Ms. Nguyen it is. Mr. T is all ready to see her again as am I.

Then we arrive at the school, late, tired from getting home late from vacation yesterday, stressed (me) about Mr. T's medical issues and as we are walking in a smiling aide asks us if we are headed for the kindergartens and I say "yes, he's in Ms. Nguyen's class" and I am met with a "Oh, it's not Ms. Nguyen this year, there's a new teacher." OK, I think. I knew they did away with the afternoon kindergarten but I also knew that part time teaching positions are almost unheard of and was wondering what kind of shuffle happened.

Long story short, I am trying to be excited for Mr. T, we drop off his school supplies, head out on the playground and he introduces himself to his teacher then scampers off to play. I stand there like an idiot and as she greets me the FIRST THING I blurt out is "what happened to Ms. Nguyen?" and she very smiley and nicely explained that she moved to another elementary school to which I respond with "is this your first year teaching and what are you doing with your afternoon time"? SO RUDE. What I meant was, how long had she been teaching kindergarten and is she doing some sort of after care program or was the morning class her only class. Oh, and by the way WELCOME TO THE SCHOOL, WE'RE SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. She continued to smile and be super charming and answered all my questions and I walked away feeling like an ass.

Sigh. First impressions are not my strong suit for sure, especially when I am tired and stressed and distracted. However she was just as nice and cute as a kindergarten teacher should be and she was not new and Mr. T loved her despite his belly hurting. Afterward I got to go down the hall to Miss E's classroom and meet her teacher who is the perfect mix of warm and calm and serious for Miss E. All in all it went great, I'm just going to have to do a little damage control with Mr. T's new teacher.

And he started soccer practice today which is a WHOLE other post but oh my the cuteness.

Uma's birthday

2011-08-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

I just can't leave things on a post like the last one. The family and I area heading out for a few days to celebrate these last lazy days of summer before our school/soccer /life schedule hits us head on. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to that but we're going to take a few lazy days at the beach to properly say good-bye to summer.

After my whiney post yesterday, my sister broke her collarbone. Always the one to one-up me she is..... (totally kidding on that - I'd way rather have a whiny kid and sick kitty cat than a broken collarbone).

And my niece turned 4. The baby of our family turned 4! There were a lot of pink things and fairy things and pony things and brownies.

Crying Uncle.

2011-08-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Life,

I'm crying "uncle".

Love, Sarah

This past week has been rough. Nothing that is really bad in and of itself but just one thing after another. Soccer team fiascos, scheduling fiascos, a cat with an unexpected huge vet bill plus more in the future, stalled house projects, financial issues, ants on the counter, and Miss E. Wonderful, strong-willed Miss E. I'm not sure what has happened but she seems to have figured out that we have no actual power to say, stop her from yelling for an hour straight or make her go to summer camp. Complaining about EVERY SINGLE THING and nothing being right - temperature, food, activity - it's all WRONG and she has been vocally letting us know it. Of course the real problem is that when she's "on", she's awesome - helpful, kind, smart, silly and cooperative. It makes the "off" times so much harder to take.

It's hard to describe what's been going on but it has made me go through a period of feeling woefully and wholly inadequate and unprepared for this whole parenting thing. The hard thing is that Peter and I approach this so differently. He's super concerned with how to punish her. I am more worried about what the heck is going on. This ends up with us fighting with each other. Which makes nothing better. I think it has something to do with too much unstructured time, the transition to school and the accompanying change in schedule. Who knows though. Blaming things for school kids on transitions is kind of like blaming teething for baby's fussiness. It's always there. LIFE is a transition. Things are always changing for better or worse.

As for the maritial fighting thing? Well, that's just how it goes with us. It starts with me calling him to tell how much the vet is and lamenting about this insane extra expense. Then he starts going off on me about how crazy it is that the vet is so expensive (like I set the prices...) blah blah blah... I get mad that he's pissed at me about something out of my control......etc. etc. etc. Apply same reaction to all stressful life circumstances. Let's just say that "teamwork" has never been our strong point. Maybe we'll learn it some year. At least it keeps things fresh right? Like we still, after 9 (plus a million) years have something to work on and change?

On the plus side, Miss E is frying her own eggs every morning and reading all kinds of books to Mr. T. So there's that.

Red-shirting

2011-08-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

This post is a bit of an opinionated rant/letting off steam....so please take it as such. I know this is a controversial subject.

Peter has ~~been coerced~~ volunteered to be the head coach of Mr. T's soccer team. This is both a very good thing - Mr. T is super excited and a very bad thing - firefighting work schedule doesn't allow you to be at all the games and practices. Overall, we'll make it work. However, he came home last night with a roster for the kids on his team - all kids who will be attending kindergarten with Mr. T in a few weeks and I was dismayed to look at the birthdates and see that almost half the kids had summer birthdays and were held back a year meaning the day kindergarten starts, they will be 6 and possily turing 7 during the kindergarten school year.

This practice, for those who don't know, is called red-shirting and is kind of a trendy thing among affluent communities. Red-shirting in sports is holding a player back (usually in college) to give them an extra year of elidgibility. Red-shirting kindergartners means taking kids who (usually) have summer birthdays and holding them back a year.

I am extreamly opposed to this for a lot of reasons. First of all, the research doesn't support the supposed advantage. By about grade 3 or 4 it all evens out and kids who are red-shirted can actually fall behind academically due to the social issues of being older than everyone else in the class. As they get older, it brings on a whole host of other issues that I'm guessing kindergarten parents aren't thinking of. You have the first kid in the class to go through puberty, the first kid in the class who is driving and then you have an 18 year old supposedly living at home who has yet to even start their senior year of high school.

It skews the spectrum of students for each grade level. By entering kids who are technically too old for the grade, you end up raising academic and social expectations up above what is reasonable for kids who fall into the age group. Schools have an age cut-off for a reason. Unless there are some extreme circumstances going on, I think parents should respect that.

And then getting back to me and my family. Mr. T turned 5 in June. He is in the 30% for size right now. So already, he is going to be one of the youngest and smaller kids in kindergarten and if the playing field were level (i.e., only kids of appropriate age were starting class with him) I wouldn't worry about it. He's ready for kindergarten. He's not wildly ahead like Miss E was but she was also 8 months older than him when she started kindergarten. He's right where he should be though. Knows his letters and numbers, just about ready to read, able to kick a ball and has appropriate social skills. But now I feel like I'm sending him into a classroom that will have quite a few kid who are already 6 - and at this age a year makes a HUGE difference. Now, I'm nervous whereas I wasn't really before. I don't want him to feel like he's behind when really he's not, it just that other kids are inappropriately ahead.

Again, I know this is a super controversial topic. I also know that there are kids who have certain issues such as medical or behavior problems that would warrant red-shirting. I don't think half the kids on Mr. T's soccer team fall into that category though.

Smore Face and Services

2011-08-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

This is Mr. T's best smore face. We didn't get to do them the last night of our camping trip this weekend so I promised the kids we could with Daddy on Monday night since he missed the camping trip.

Peter is at work today attending his third funeral for a firefighter this month. The first one was for a sudden, off-duty death of an active member of the department. Last week he went to the funeral of a retiree as part of the honor guard (for the day). Today his entire crew put on their Class A's again and headed to the service of an active (at the time of his death) member of the department who lost his battle with cancer. His death is considered line-of-duty because he had one of the several types of cancer that are believed to be caused by firefighting work. Even though this was somewhat expected, losing two members of the department has been hard. To put it in perspective, Peter has worked there for almost 10 years. In that amount of time, 3 active-duty firefighters have died. Two of those were this month. It's been a hard month.

I don't know what to say other than it sucks. It sucks thinking of the families of these two young men who are left behind. It sucks thinking of all the firefighters who are putting on their formal uniforms with heavy hearts and venturing to the funerals to pay their last respects. It sucks thinking of the wife and children one of them left behind. Especially since there is always a little voice in the back of my head whispering "that could be you....". I know that voice is 99% likely to be wrong, but still, it's there. It's just heart wrenching.

Growing Up

2011-08-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken on July 20, 2005. Miss E is in the middle with her friend Ruby on the left and Stella on the right. We spent that summer, their moms and I, taking the babies to the park, walking around with them in strollers and carriers and having playdates at each other's houses. The play dates at that point were more for the moms than the girls but I think they enjoyed having some other babies to sit on a blanket and chew toys with. It was a summer of making new and much needed mom friends for me (we met through a birthing class and new mom's group at the hospital) and over time we have grown into friends - not just because of our children but because we really like each other.

This photo was taken on our camping trip this Saturday. Miss E in the middle, with Stella next to her and then Ruby. We have also added a few little brothers along the way. The girls are all going to be in first grade in a few weeks. I cannot believe how much they have grown, and how independent they are. Somehow they survived their mom's fretting about sleep and food and potty training and have grown into the smartest, sweetest, most delightful girls I can imagine. All three of them (and the little boys too!). We are blessed indeed.

New Feathers

2011-08-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

I took Miss E to get her hair cut yesterday. Actually, before the hair cut the kids went to summer camp. After camp they told me that some older boys were picking on Mr. T and that Miss E stood up for him and told them to stop. We have been making a big deal of how the kids are to be kind and supportive to each other at school this year. Since they will be at the same school, with the same recess I don't want any fighting or picking on each other at school at all and they have been informed that there will be consequences for that. But yesterday, Miss E helped Mr. T out and I made a huge deal of how nice that was and how good it feels to have some one stand up for you and how bad it feels to be teased. And then we went out for frozen yogurt to further solidify the positive reinforcement.

While we were eating our yogurt I asked her how she wanted her hair cut, if she wanted to grow out her bangs, etc. She said short, yes and she wanted a new feather. A blue one.

Well as she was getting her hair cut our lovely and impossibly hip stylist (also named Sarah) suggested that in addition to the blue feather she could put in a green one. And add the pink in. And put in tinsel if we wanted. Umm...my comfort zone was quickly zooming away. Then I turned into the fuddy-duddy mom who limited it to two colors, no tinsel. Although I'm not sure how fuddy-duddy I can call myself since my daughter now has teal and lime feathers in her hair.

Miss E is in love. With both the feathers and the stylist. She brushed her hair last night (no fighting) and again this morning (without being asked) and clipped her bangs back herself as I told her we would have to if we were going to grow them out. I think she looks adorable. She has such a cute face and the short bob style kind of perfectly suits her looks and personality.

On a side note - Peter has not seen this yet. I'm not sure what he's going to think but we kind of split the kids as in I take care of Miss E's hair and he handles Mr. T's, so it should be OK. Hopefully. We'll find out on Monday when we see him after our weekend of camping!

What summer looks like

2011-08-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

At our house it means:

Open doors and windows

2 orange cats lazing on the (mostly finished) front porch

2 half-dressed kids on the back deck

The hose

Iced coffees

Buckets of water

Forts set up on the deck

My gardening gloves and green bucket

Peter and I working on house projects

The Bat Cave and Green Lantern Planet being set up all over the yard.

Eating outside - and dishes scattered all over the yard

Green and shady with tree leaves rustling in the wind

Mowed lawns and weed pulling

Ginger laying in the sun on the back deck

Berries. Lots and lots of berries.

Every kind of imaginative game you can think of.

Unstructured time.

Miss E in her fort on the deck with "tether baby"

Eating outside

Reading - there has been lots and lots of reading this summer. Including reading a lot out loud to Mr. T which is all kinds of awesome.

Playing in the water

Sitting on the new front porch before bed time

Miss E copying everything Ginger does.

Super Spider. This guy really deserves a post of his own. Every day we've been catching him fresh flies and moths to eat.

When I came home from work yesterday, Miss E was in the shed playing the guitar. Peter came up to me and said "Miss E has some skills on the guitar, she's just picking up the beat by ear." to which I replied "yeah, she pretty much has skills at anything she decides she wants to do". That girl is a ball of all kinds of talent and really the only thing that will ever stop her is her.

A weekend away

2011-08-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

We started a tradition a few years ago, well, I started a tradition, that Peter and I would leave the kids with my parents for 3 days each summer and get away by ourselves. 3 days doesn't sound like a long time but it's about as long as my parents are comfortable having the kids and enough time that Peter and I can really have a break together. I have not yet asked my mom about making this a "tradition".

This year we headed up to Seattle to stay with a friend for one night and then spent one night at home. It was lovely all around. Oddly enough, the Seattle part of our trip felt a lot like our Spain vacation. Lots of walking, very little to no food and being lost. It was fun though and I learned that I can go longer without food than my dear husband. So, there's that.

We walked. We saw Pike's market, Olympic Sculpture park, took a ferry ride and walked some more.

Here's what we didn't do: fight, anything really romantic, or become annoyed with each other. It just felt...good. Content. As always, it was good to see our friend (is there another word for friends you love like family? Framily? ) and just be without three people talking to me at the same time. And the sleeping in. And the restaurants.

It was nice.

After our first lunch place failed, we just stopped by Pike brewing to eat.

And try a sample tray.

At the sculpture park we saw two wedding parties getting their pictures taken. What a gorgeous place for wedding photos. I resisted the urge to laugh and point at the bride and groom and wish them luck in a sarcastic tone of voice. Did I mention that the voice in my head is INCREDIBLY sarcastic? It comes out more often when the kids aren't around.

I am incredibly uncomfortable being in front of the camera AND Peter still cannot really figure out my new lens so there are not often pictures of me. This was on the ferry.

The lovely Seattle skyline. Someday I want to go up in the Space Needle. I think I was a teenager the last time I did that.

Peter on the ferry.

This is an awesome and crazy huge sculpture in front of the Art Museum. Next trip I want to go in, maybe with Miss E. We are definitely going to take the kids up there soon, there is so much they would both love! I guess we did miss them a little bit.

This last part of August has felt like a blessing of summer. The weekend without kids, drinks and movie with a friend, a camping trip, visiting family, a vacation surprise that I have planned for our family, my nieces birthday, plans for my mom's birthday. It's going to be full going into the start of school and I am so excited.

A conversation

2011-08-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Me: Mr. T it's time for you to pack for Nana and Grandpa's. (This is my second request)

Mr. T: I'm already packed!

Me: Awesome. Do you have pajamas?

Mr. T: No

Me: Do you have underwear?

Mr. T: No

Me: Do you have any extra clothes?

Mr. T: No. There's no clothes in there! I packed all my stuff, my books, my Green Lantern Jet... I guess I'll try and fit some clothes in.

Me: Yeah, why don't you do that.

Back to School Shopping

2011-08-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm finding myself pre-occupied with thoughts of fall and planning and schedules so I figured I'd just get it all done in order to enjoy these last glorious weeks of summer.

Today the kids and I went out to get school supplies for both of them. BOTH OF THEM. For the first time ever, I have two kiddos in elementary school. 3 entire days of the weeks they will both be in school all day. 2 days, Mr. T will go half-day and be home at noon. He is so excited for kindergarten. Bursting with excitement. There is none of the nervousness that Miss E and I felt last year at the beginning of the year. I attibute that to us knowing who his teacher will be (same one Miss E had last year) and pretty much the whole kindergarten routine. This is one of the great things about being the youngest kid - we've pretty much got it figured out. Miss E and I are both curious about what 1st grade will be like, who her teacher will be, how they structure the full day and how they handle the 1/2 split classroom. We'll find out soon enough!

This weekend Peter and I are heading up to Seattle without the kids. We are going to see some friends, ride on boats, go out to dinner, see movies, stay up late and enjoy every last minute of it.

When we get back, it will be back to enjoying this lazy summer with the kids and finishing up the projects we started on the house.

And then it will be fall, with schedules and school and soccer and a photography class and football and birthdays and perhaps a beach trip thrown in there. I am so looking forward to it, but I can wait a few more weeks.

Taking a break

2011-08-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

and breaking the rules! Since I'm not doing the 365 right now here's a post with more than one picture! This weekend we watched my sister's kids and I mean "we"in the loosest sense of the word because Peter worked Saturday and took an OT shift on Sunday leaving me with 4 kids for a 48. Yikes.

Overall though, it went OK. I took them hiking and to the park and to my parents for dinner. I think a good time was had by all and I felt confident handling all four of them. The only thing that surprised me was how much STUFF you need for 4 kids. For our hike, by the time I packed 5 water bottles, 4 jackets, 4 sunhats, lunch and snacks for all of us, sunscreen, the camera and the Ergo carrier (in case my niece couldn't walk the entire way) I was loaded down like a pack mule! And that's with the bigger kids carrying their and their younger siblings water bottles and coats.

By the end of Saturday I was feeling good enough and desperate enough to take all of them into Starbucks just to get myself a lattee. Mr. T was a little appalled that I was only getting something for myself but man, did I need that coffee and it was the best freakin iced latte I have EVER had.

My little hiking troupe. You get some strange looks when you venture out with 4 kids.

The gorgeous falls we hiked to.

My weary little hikers. Coincedentally, they all went to bed easier tonight than they did last night.

Miss E playing in the water, which she promptly fell in. Fortunately we were able to cobble together another outfit from random things we had brought.

Miss E and her cousin. 4 months apart - together these two are sweet and trouble and loving and trouble again.

Another firefighter died from Peter's department this week, bringing the the total for the month up to two. Before this, during his 9 year career, they have only lost one other firefighter. The one that died this week is considered a line of duty death because he died of one of the cancers that is known to be caused by firefighting. It was known that his death would be soon but it doesn't make it any easier. As Peter said "there's something wrong about getting out your Class A and not putting it away for awhile".

It's been a long week. A wonderful and trying week all wrapped up into one. It has been nice to take a break from blogging and photographing and just concentrate on other stuff and start to put together a book of my last 365. I know for sure I'll do another one soon though, it's been too nice looking through our year and having such a great record of it.

Grasshoppers

2011-08-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

This week has flown by and no, we do not have a new front porch yet. It actually looks very much like the last picture. Yeah. Here's what we have been up to:

1) Work and work.

2) Mr. T and Miss E finished up their summer camps last week and Miss E is in a bugs summer camp this week. It's through the Tualatin River Keepers and it's out at a nature preserve. Every day they have been doing a different type of bug. Of all the camps the kids have done, this is my favorite. The instructors are excellent, the location is excellent and they have a lot of wonderful activities for the kids to do. Mr. T will definitely be signed up for it next year and Miss E will be old enough to do the canoing camp there next summer.

3) Mr. T, all of a sudden, wants to WRITE and READ and COUNT things! It's so exciting. I have tried with him before but he hasn't been interested and then all of a sudden he is. It reminds me again that if you surround kids with the tools they need to learn and follow their lead, they will learn on their own schedule. (And good job Mr. T timing this just about perfectly for the start of kindergarten in the fall!)

4) Each day we have picked up Miss E, Mr. T and I get to the camp early and look through their spotting scope at the visitors center. So far we have seen a great blue heron, a nutria, an egret and some ducks. They have a chalkboard to write what you saw that day on and he has been writing the names of each thing we see.

5) Mr. T went berry picking with my mom, sister and I one morning. The Boysenberries were fat and juicy.

6) I am currently getting ready to have my niece and nephew stay with us from Friday afternoon to Sunday night. And Peter's working a 48 Saturday and Sunday. Which means me+4 kids all by myself for two whole days. I think I can handle it.

7) My husband temporarily lost his mind and took Miss E to a movie in the park last night until 10. Which means she will be up late 3 nights in a row. That is the kiss of death for a 6 year old. They can do one night until 10 but by Sunday, well, let's just say I wasn't happy about his decision.

8) Overall, things have been chugging along pretty nicely. I always have a hard time this time of year enjoying the last month of summer because of all the back to school stuff. The school supplies and the e-mails and the soccer schedule and gymnastics sign up and my life schedule.....it all starts to feel really busy and I have to really remind myself that it's the start of August and we have an entire lazy, gorgeous month of summer left that will be wasted if I spend it stressing about the fall.

9) I have no idea what to cook in hot weather. I am much much more of a fall/winter cook. The salad thing is killing me, partially because my kids don't eat a lot of vegetables and the husband doesn't like seafood.

10) Last but not least, we took Mr. T to his doctor's appointment. I have been a bit worried about his size, he is just now fitting into size 4 pants and he just turned 5. When he was born he was huge for his age but each year he is shrinking on the growth chart. Last year at his doctor's appointment he was in the 36th percentile, down from the 50th the year before, this year he was in the 25th percentile. His height and weight are the same so that's not a concern but the doctor mentioned she's hoping to see a growth spurt soon. Me too. Sometimes I worry that with his chronic constipation something is not right in his digestive track or he's choosing not to eat because of it. We'll keep an eye on it.

11) OK, one more. Things with the kids have been great. I know I write about Miss E when she is being difficult but this week things have been great. Over the last few months of watching her I have learned a few things including behavior triggers, ways to talk to her and ways to get her to understand what's happening and it's working! The other day she was hungry and tired at the store and started stomping around whining and throwing a tantrum and with a few reminders from me - no bribes or threats - she pulled herself out of it. Before, a behavior turn-around like that was kind of unheard of.

Wow, that got really long. Maybe I should do this more often so it's not as wordy....

I also feel like I need to put a little apology here to the person who found my blog by google searching "topless girls Oregon Country Fair". Sorry dude. I'm guessing this was pretty disappointing for you.

This is happening

2011-07-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

I may not be able to help myself from this whole blog thing, it's so much fun to take pictures and write about our family. Plus everything is whirring by so fast that it really does help me remember. Speaking of memory, remember awhile back when I posted a picture of pots I had planted for our front porch? Remember it was a nice close-in shot? The reason was that our front porch is in a dismal state of being. It is very very old and very very rotten so much so that when Peter was in Eugene seeing a concert, I hosed it off and actually hosed a hole in one of the boards. Not pressure washed, but hosed. I sent him a text that said "hi honey! hope youre having a good time! Just hosed a hole in our porch. : )" Because you know, I had to keep it real while he was off pretending to be footloose and fancy free.

Apparently that was the final nail in the proverbial coffin and here we are preparing to build a new porch. The very first step of any project at our house - before planning or materials or anything - is a little bit of exploratory demolition. The lovely folks who owned this house before us were not super handy and tended to repair things in a cheap, odd and unconventional manner to say the least. So today, Peter took that first step by taking down the railing and the facia to see what exactly is under that front porch (an entire set of stairs with door mat!) and how it's all put together (an odd assortment of various sized screws, nails and brackets) and what we can salvage from it (hopefully the under supports).

I could not be more excited, this porch has been one of my least favorite (that we can fix) parts of our house. In a few weeks, it should be done!

Legos and the end of the 365.

2011-07-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Miss E built this is Lego camp today -awesome huh?

Today is it. It marks one year since a random day in July when I sat down at the computer, hijacked my husband's blog (sorry honey!) and declared that I was going to take 1 picture a day for a year straight. And I did it! Sure the posts weren't always current, but still, every single day I took a picture (mostly of my darling kiddos) and recorded some (usually small) event in their lives. This year has seen our little family grow and change in so many ways. It has brought learning and travels and growth. It has also had it's struggles and sorrows but overall, this year? This random July 27-July 27? Will be remembered as one of the most blessed of my life.

Now to the future of this little blog. For the few of you who have been reading you've seen how hard it's been for me to keep up this summer. However I am still taking pictures every day and noting little things I want to record. For right now, I am going to make my first 365 into a photo book for our family, keep taking pictures and keep blogging. Probably not everyday, but probably frequently. At some point, possibly this fall, on some random day, I'll most likely decide to start a 365 again just because it really combines all my loves together - my family, record keeping, writing and photography.

Thanks to all who read this, I know it seems strange to share so much of yourself over the internet but honestly if it wasn't public I wouldn't write it at all. And yay me for finishing a project (said with fist pump while ignoring piles of half-done knitting, reading and home projects).

Sadness

2011-07-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

Coming home from work today, I knew Peter would need some time to decompress. Men are sad differently than women, I think, and although Peter did not know the firefighter who died well, they had worked together several times and as a member of the department the loss is felt deeply. I'm not sure how to really describe it. If you're a part of a fire department you understand and if not, it's hard to explain. It's felt deeply like a brother has died. Not like a co-worker, but an actual brother. The fact that this guy was young and it was sudden and traumatic makes it even harder.

After we dropped the kids off at summer camp, Peter and I had coffee and went to look at lumber for our front porch and just dinked around. Once we picked the kiddos up I went to work. After work I went out with some friends. I know it seems like I was abandoning him, but really I knew he needed some time to be alone.

This afternoon he set up our old tent to take pictures of and sell on Craigslist. Well the kids couldn't resist and soon enough I got an e-mail at work with this picture and the message "we're camping out in the back yard tonight."

When I returned home around 10, he was sitting up by the fire and the kids were peacefully sleeping in the tent. We sat for a little bit and then went to bed. I know this is weighing on him heavily but in a way that can't be expressed verbally. Thank goodness we have been together long enough that I know him this well.

Fluff and tragedy

2011-07-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

This was a big day in a lot of good and really bad ways.

1) Miss E started Lego robotics summer camp today. Her biggest concern about this camp whether or not there would be any other girls in the camp. She loves legos, she loves computers but she's kind of at an age where she doesn't want to do something with just a group of boys. So, figuring that we live in a very affluent, educated neighborhood, I told her sure. I'm sure there will be other girls in the class. Well. When I dropped her off today there were NO OTHER GIRLS. She took a deep breath, kind of looked at me and I whispered "It's going to be OK, be brave and try it out" and she sat down at a table to work on her kit of Lego's. I left feeling a bit worried.

2) Then I dropped Mr. T off at his first day of a camp called Safety Town. It's all about police and firefighters and traffic safety and bike safety and he's on the purple team with the cutest 16 year old girl as his team leader. He's in love.

3) I went home and fumed a bit on Facebook (productive, right?) about how no one signs their girls up for things like Lego Robotics - which really, if you have a girl and she likes Lego's please sign her up for classes like that!

4) Then Peter called. With terrible news that I will get to at the end of the post because it makes everything else seem to frivolous.

5) When I picked up Miss E she was happily working with another girl (yay!) and they had made 2 lego ducks, hooked them up to a computer and a motor and had them spinning around. Miss E thought it was the awesomest thing EVER. (Mama breathes a sign of relief)

6) The kids and I went to Miss E's appointment with a plastic surgeon to follow up on her scar and have it checked out. Apparently, it will heal pretty well and she won't have to have any follow-up work done. Also the plastic surgeon (who was wonderfully great with the kids) was wearing patent leather stilettos. It was cute and weird.

7) So here's the bad news. And it's one of those things that's so bad it's hard to write about so I'm keeping this brief for now. Peter called from work this morning and told me that one of the firefighters from his department died yesterday. A young 30 year old, vital firefighter died tragically in a rock climbing accident. This is one of the things that really sets the fire service apart from other occupations. A death like this is felt around the department like the death of a family member, whether or not they were on the same shift or at the same station, because they are a family. It is incredibly sad and incredibly tragic and incredibly hard for everyone to deal with. There are questions and unknowns and black bands around badges and the readying of Class A uniforms. It makes my heart feel heavy for the department, his crew, his friends, his family, and his climbing partner who was witness to a traumatic and sudden death.

Blueberries

2011-07-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

Last week my mom and I put together an order from a local farm that sells bulk blueberries. I ordered 10 pounds, not really knowing what 10 lbs would look like. I almost ordered 20 pounds just in case 10 was too small. In fact, 10 lbs is quite a few blueberries. The pictures don't do this bag justice. It's HUGE.

This morning Peter went to work so I woke up to a quiet house, ran a few errands and then went to get the kiddos and came home to cycle blueberries through the freezer and hang out with the munchkins. It's amazing how as much as I love having them spend the night at my parents, I'm always happy to see them in the morning.

Bikes in the Park

2011-07-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

This morning we headed to a local park to ride our bikes. This particular park has miles and miles of bike path to ride on, so I was pretty excited to ride a little distance with Miss E. Peter has been working on fixing up her old bike for Mr. T to ride on and it was finally ready. When we got to the park, Miss E and I rode off ahead while Peter walked his bike and encouraged Mr. T to try his out - with training wheels. He was reluctant to say the least, but I assumed he'd be happy to have a new (to him) bike and Miss E and I rode off. Soon she became worried that we were going to far so we headed back thinking we would meet Peter and Mr. T along the trail someplace. Nope. We got back to where we started and still not sign of them. Then I get a text from Peter "we're over at the playground by the soccer field". We head over there and sure enough they are lounging in the grass watching some middle school kids play soccer. We sat with them for a little bit and then I asked Mr. T if he wanted me to walk with him while he rode his bike on the PERFECTLY FLAT PAVED BIKE PATH.

I walked his bike over to the path and he got on and then he sat there. And pushed one foot down. And stopped. I offered to push him to get started, which I did gently and he pushed one foot down - and stopped. Then I asked if I should put my hand on his seat and gently push while he pedaled. He said yes, but the second we started going he screamed we were going to fast and slammed on the brakes. And that's how it went. Push one foot down, slam backwards on the brakes. Push another foot down and slam backwards on the brakes. I sat there, blandly smiling and encouraging while inside my blood pressure was rising. For the love of God, this kid wasn't even trying. And then it hit me. I do not have enough patience to teach him to ride a bike. Me, the patient one, the parent with the patience in our family, CANNOT DO THIS. To be fair, teaching the kids to ride bikes is clearly Peter's responsibility. Not because he's a boy, but because it's his thing. It is not my thing. But crap all mighty, Mr. T could conceivably be 15 before he takes the training wheels off. I really really wish we had started him on a scoot bike instead of training wheels but we didn't and it's going to be like swimming I think, slow slow slow.

Obviously, the main problem is he doesn't want to enough and physical ability runs second. We're just going to have to wait until he wants to do it and hopefully that will be soon! The saving grace of this all, is that he LOVES to ride on the trail-a-bike. I am just not a good rider with the trail-a-bike on my bike so that is going to kind of fall to Peter as well. Ehh....at least it will keep my blood pressure down.

Despite the bike thing, it really was a lovely morning at the park, and this afternoon we dropped the kids off at my parents for an overnight (thank you Nana and Grandpa!) and met some friends for dinner and a movie. So all in all, a lovely summer day.

Super Hero Camp

2011-07-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that there were Rescue Hero's at Mr. T's super hero camp? He is so excited about this camp and while I am on the fence about the quality of the teaching and supervision (yikes!), Mr. T is happy, I mean they have a sand bin. What's not to love? Although really, the supervision leaves something to be desired. Fortunately, Mr. T is a kid who follows the rules and I know he won't run off on his own, if he was a kid like that, I'm not sure I'd feel good about leaving him at this camp.

This morning while Mr. T was at camp I watched a friend's daughter for him while he worked and she and Miss E played with Sadie (sister's dog) all morning. While Miss E has not been in the greatest mood lately - I think her mouth hurts a lot) she did have a good morning playing with her friend. That's about it. A general, basic summer day.

Sisters

2011-07-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

Here's what sisters do:

My sister called me about a week ago and asked if we could watch her dog this weekend. The conversation went something like this:

"Can you watch Sadie this weekend?"

"I don't think so, mom is watching our kids Saturday night and Peter and I were debating heading out of town. Plus, I'm not sure she'd love to be locked up in our little house with Ginger (our dog who is super social, Sadie is not)"

"Really? I'm sure she'd be fine, it's just that your place is much closer to where we are headed...."

"Sorry. We may be gone for the night. Try mom and ask her"

"I guess I will, it's just that mom's house is kind of out of our way..."

OK. Fast forward to today. 6 pm to be exact. I get a text from my sister "Can we drop Sadie off at your house and you can take her up to mom's?" So, I ignored the text because I didn't really want to. Even though Peter and I weren't going out of town, it's an extra half hour drive and I've watched her kiddos a lot lately.

Fast forward to 7:30 tonight. I am turing out the kids lights and she PULLS UP AT OUR HOUSE. She comes in with her kids and the dog and says (I swear to God....) "Hi! We were on our way and Uma (my niece) had to go potty, she just wasn't going to make it...." Meanwhile, Uma and Felix are going crazy with my kids who were super excited for a surprise visit from their cousins. Then she says "as long as I'm here, is it OK if I leave Sadie for you to take to mom and dad?"

Well played my sister, well played.

(This picture is of my nephew riling up the kiddos at bedtime. Thanks buddy. Also, did you notice the curtains in the background? We finally hung up our 20 foot long curtain rod - no joke - and now have curtains like real grown-ups.)

Hiking with Nana

2011-07-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

Miss E and I went hiking with my mom today. For a few years now, we (our family) have been trying to plan a winter trip where you cross country ski into a cabin and then spend a weekend skiing and snowshoeing from there. It's a bold move to contemplate this plan, which will involve a mile and a half ski in with four children under the age of 7, but we are going to do it some year. My vote is to do it when they are all old enough to ski in themselves but it may be sooner than that. Anyway.

My mom wants to hike in and look at the cabins in the summer before we commit ourselves, all 10 of us, to skiing in to cabins that we've never seen. So today, she and Miss E and I went up the mountain and hiked to find them. Our first surprise - surprise! - was that the paths we ski on in the winter, are actually ROADS in the summer. Roads with cars on them. Bummer. Then in the end, we didn't find the exact cabin but we have a pretty good idea now of what type of a ski-in we are looking at and what the cabins are like.

Miss E was a trooper on the hike. Not much complaining and she was pretty excited to be with Nana and I AND that we hiked by a meadow used as a resting place on the Oregon Trail! It's the little things you know?

Also, do you see the size of my mom's backpack? We hiked 3 miles total. ON ROADS. I will raise my right hand and swear, even though she didn't open her pack, that it had a full emergency food kit, fire starting kid, emergency blanket, extra layer of clothes, and an extra water bottle in it. I'm not kidding. That lady is prepared.

(Back posts are finished through July 12 - so close to catching up!)

Powell's will make it all better

2011-07-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

I neglected to mention yesterday, in the midst of all the trauma, that Mr. T started summer camp this week! This is a big deal because it is the first summer camp he has ever gone to by himself. No Miss E and it's not at his preschool. This is big-boy, don't know anyone else, 5 days straight summer camp. And so far, he's rocked it. He did great getting dropped off and both days has come home excited about what they are doing (Superhero camp!) and wanting to go back. He's met a few kids and I'm trying to get him to play with the one girl in the camp because she might be kind of lonely and Mr. T is a nice friend to have.

While he is at camp, this is kind of Peter and I's week of mornings with Miss E. Too bad the week started with a trip to the ER and stitches, but it will get better. She slept OK last night and hasn't had any more pain than ibuprofen can handle. The soft foods diet seems to be palatable but at the bookstore this morning she insisted that a chocolate chip cookie, if it was broken into really small pieces, counted as a "soft food". I agreed.

Which brings us to what our special thing was for today - a trip to Powell's books, only the biggest and bestest book store around. We don't go there very often because it's downtown and well, we live a bit of a ways from downtown, but it's so worth it when we do. She picked out four books and then one for Mr. T and one for me (I helped pick out that one). I love that she loves books so much. Our entire time there was spent perusing the shelves, looking over all the possibilities and lamenting that she could only get 4. On the way back to get Mr. T we stopped at the library to get the next few episodes of Little House on the Prairie and a book about the Oregon Trail. We have a lot of reading ahead of us!

(back posts are done through Country Fair and July 10 - almost all caught up for the end of my 365!)

First ER visit

2011-07-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

So......

This is what happened today. Peter and I made our first ER visit with a kid.

Miss E was messing around on her stool at the bar, somehow fell forward and smashed her face into the counter top. Let me just say, there is nothing like the feeling that hits your heart when you get a phone call at work from a husband who sounds tense while your daughter is FREAKING OUT in the background informing you that she has to go to the ER to get stitches. And I knew, even as I was grabbing my stuff and running out the door, that this was not life threatening. Or even a really big deal like a broken bone. It was stitches. 5 of them. I kept telling myself that as I drove "It's only stitches. She's going to be OK. Focus on your driving, don't drive too fast. You need to get there in one piece. It's only stitches. She's going to be OK". That mantra kept running through my head as I raced down the freeway.

Once I got to the ER, she was already in talking to the triage nurse and had calmed down from a full on freak-out to continuous crying, border-line hysterics. They took us back right away and then all of a sudden there was a doctor and two nurses and Peter and I in the room all jabbering to her at once about what was going to happen. The doctor kept saying things like "we're going to give you a little pinch, like a bee sting" blah blah blah blah. Poor Miss E was now freaking out because she had a hole in her lip and was overwhelmed by all these euphanisms she didn't understand and everyone talking to her at once. Finally I just found her eyes and said "Miss E, they are going to give you a shot in your lip and put in some medicine to numb it so you don't feel it. Then they are going to put a few stitches in the cut to close it. It's too big for a bandaid. You are going to have to lie very still."

She seemed to calm a little bit once she knew what was going to happen but then they brought in a back board with straps on it like a straight jacket for your entire body. Well. If it was me, that would be worse than the actual needle. And I know Miss E, she has a high tolerance for pain. I mean, she whines about all the little crap that happens to her body but when it comes right down to it, she's one tough cookie. So they lay her back and start strapping her up to where I can't even hold her hands. I told the nurses that she wouldn't need that on her legs or body as I was unstrapping it. I left the shoulder strap on so her hands couldn't fly up but just held onto her hands and told her I would stay there (Peter had to take Mr. T out of the room) for the entire time.

Oh this was hard. It was so hard to see her so hurting and scared and everything happening so fast. The worst part was putting the needle with the anesthetic in it in her face. I mean, a needle going right into her chin followed by a TON of fluid. She did really good, took some deep breaths and held still. Then she had to lay there for a minute and the bright light was in her eyes and the shoulder straps were on it and it just wasn't comfortable at all. We moved the light and then they started stitching. She could see the entire thing, and wanted to see it but she was really really scared. It was hard for me to sit there and be calm while my terrified little girl was strapped down to a table with another nurse holding her head still. At one point she said she was hot and her little hands were sweating so I just blew on them which seemed to instantly calm her down. Something about the feel of my breath on her palms cooling them down gave her something to focus on beside the fact that she was getting her face sewn back together.

In the end, the stitches were done and she calmed a little bit although she was still crying. The ER was OK, not great. I see why people go to specific children's ER's but there isn't one close to us. I asked Peter if anyone had checked her for a head injury or if they had just focused on fixing the bleeding and he looked at me like I had two heads. "Well, yeah. Of course I checked her for that.". Oh right. He's a firefighter. I forget that sometimes.

After the visit, I found myself second guessing our choices. Should we have insisted a plastic's doctor did the stitching from the start? Should I have unstrapped her shoulders? Should I have asked them to give us a minute to help her calm down (I'm not sure she could have calmed down before the whole thing was over)? Should I have asked more follow up questions? Should we have insisted that Peter and Mr. T stay in the room or would that have been too many people? Should Peter have stayed with her instead of me? I mean I am the mom, but he has a way in hospital and doctor settings that is very calming. I don't know. In the end, it happened the way it did. Hopefully we won't have a next time to prepare for.

Also, note to ER personnel: At age 6, a princess sticker as you are leaving in NO WAY changes or makes you forget the fact that you had a needle jabbed in your lip and then 5 stitches put in. The nurse acted surprised that Miss E didn't jump at the chance to pick out a sticker. Yeah. I think if you offered her a pony at that point she wouldn't have giving a sh**. So a sticker? Really?

Now we face a week filled with a liquid diet, antibiotics twice a day, a visit to a plastic surgeon and then the dentist after her lip has healed. But she is OK. The hospital experience, while more traumatic for her than us at the time, will be quickly forgotten by her (not so much for me...that was intense and hard) and her lip will heal. I don't think she will have much of a scar after we treat it with some of that scar disappearing stuff. We were lucky. And I wish all parents have their first trips to the ER happen after the age of 6 and only involve stitches. There are so many out there who aren't that lucky and my heart goes out to them. For me though, stitches is enough.

(Posts are filled in through July 4!)

Doughnuts

2011-07-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for two food pictures in a row- I promise it wasn't planned. Also, it's POURING down rain today. Like, really raining. As in Portland February-style rain.

Here's what the kids and I did before noon today: made doughnuts (for the first time ever!), watched an episode of Little House on the Prairie, grabbed the recycling bag and constructed a robot out of it's contents (Miss E), drew several renditions of the Joker and some monster called a Driack (Mr. T). We did not get dressed.

Here's what Peter did before noon today: Packed up a soaking wet tent. Rode his bike about 30 miles.

Yeah.

(vacation posts are done through July 3! Catching up is a good thing.)

Raspberry Jam

2011-07-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

Today's project: 3 batches of raspberry jam, freeze 4 huge bags of raspberries. We were supposed to go hiking with my mom but it rained and although she and I would have been fine, the kids are not yet Oregon-hearty hikers. Instead we went to a movie with my parents (Winnie the Pooh, the kids loved it, I fell asleep) and then came home to rest and make jam.

Oh. And I took Mr. T to farmer's market this morning. No big thing but something that has recently been added to my list of things I can't do with the kids by myself. As the kids have gotten older, the list of things I can't/won't do with them has gotten very short. So far this year it has: swimming, amusement parks, fireworks, farmer's market, and that's about it. Not too bad huh? Farmer's market is pretty crowded and trying to keep hand and or eye contact with both kids is difficult in itself. Add in trying to balance a few crates of berries and bags of stuff and the begging for popcorn and it never ends up fun. This year I just swore off doing it entirely. But. After we picked 2 crates of raspberries yesterday, I wanted one more so I could just check raspberries off the list for the year. Since I only had Mr. T this morning and it was a little rainy (= less crowded), I figured we would try it out. And you know what? It's totally doable with one kid and no crowd. We had a lot of fun, Mr. T and I. We ate choquettes, looked at the fountain and bought some berries. It was, as Mr. T would say with a big grin, "easy peasy lemon squeezy".

(I'm still backfilling the blog from vacation. As you can imagine, pretty much everything is behind right now and the kids and I have been out and about having a fun summer. I'm excited to share all my pictures of our great start to summer. Things are done through July 1, then it gets a bit spotty. I'll fill in though, really I will. )

Raspberry picking

2011-07-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Peter left this morning for Cycle Oregon - a three day bike ride and the kids and I went berry picking with my mom. Miss E is quiet the picker this year, but my mom is the master berry picker of us all - her skills are something I aspire to and she is able to pick while Mr. T talks constantly to her. For like an hour or two straight. At one point they had moved to another part of the patch, leaving me in the blissful quiet, and a woman stopped me and asked if Mr. T was my son. When I told her yes, she said "he's quite the talker!" and I replied "yes he is." (understatement of the year there) and she continued on "It's so refreshing to hear such a young boy talking a lot, and his vocabulary is wonderful! You are very lucky." And it was just one of the sweetest things to hear. I love getting little reminders like that about how great my kids are. Because the ARE. It's just when you've listened to Mr. T talk for practically every waking hour of every last day sometimes you forget how great it truly is.

Miss E and the Raspberry Bush

2011-07-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

We have a huge yard but it's pretty picky about what it will grow. If something will grow well, it grows really really well. If something won't thrive, it really won't. We have shade and slugs and 100 foot fir trees and dry soil. It's a tough combination. I have found one kind of sunny spot on which to eek out a vegetable garden but the slugs seem to have other plans. What is working are the tomatos and the yellow raspberries though. They are hard charging and we should have a lot of both. The peppers, beans and peas? Ehhhh...not so much. I'll take it though, I kind of like having our wild, untamed, natural yard for the kids to tromp around and eat raspberries in.

Play Date

2011-07-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Amanda came over to play today. She brought her daughter for Miss E to play with (1 month apart in age - we met in our bradley classes while pregnant). She also brought her son for Mr. T to play with (about a year apart in age - apparently they are more responsible with birth control than we are) and she brought her dog for Ginger to play with (4 years apart in age but who's counting).

We all played very nicely with each other.

Good Days and Bad Days

2011-07-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

On the bad days, I see Miss E as defiant, angry, uncooperative, whiney and snappy.

On the good days, I see her as independent, fun, empathetic, smart, focused, creative and kind.

On the bad days, I see Mr. T as unfocused, whiney, pestering, overly sensitive and un-empathetic.

On the good days, I see Mr. T sweet, fun, imaginative, kind and loving.

On the bad days, I feel my parenting is not so great. That we have done something wrong along the way, that I'm not handling things right and that maybe I'm not as good at this as I thought I was. Maybe Peter's screwing up the kids. Maybe I am. I don't know what is the right way to handle issues that come up. I feel frustration, anger, short-tempered and exasperated.

On the good days, I feel like I'm a pretty good parent. I love my kiddos and they love us and they are both thriving. I am attentive to their needs without hovering and overall, I've not only got this whole thing handled but I'm doing it pretty well. I feel happy, confident, content, and loving.

Fortunately, overall, there are many many more good days than bad days. Some days I only have a bad day with one kid and not the other. This last week or so, there have been several bad days and I don't know what is wrong. I've guessed that the transition to summer and the lack of schedule is throwing everyone off. That they need more activities and independence or that they need less activities or independence. I just don't know. I know that right before Miss E masters a new skill (like reading chapter books) we go through a short period of behavior difficulties before everything smoothes out. I think her brain is so focused on learning the new thing that it's hard to remember the mundane day-to-day of socially acceptable behavior. But seriously people, the way it's been going I fully expect her to start spouting out some calculous tomorrow. Like I said, I don't know what's going on. I'm not even sure how to handle it but I've been doing my best to stay calm and firm and see the good and rise above the battles because the minute she senses a power struggle of any form, she's immediately like "Oh yeah, you want to fight, well it's on beeeaaaatch*". And sometimes we have to engage in a power struggle but mostly I try to avoid them (without letting her have free reign of the house) because it's exhausting and in the end, a huge fight is not good for any of us.

Like I said, fortunantly there are many more good days than bad days.

But it's exhausting. Especially doing it alone. Although, in some ways it's easier to deal with alone so I guess that's a wash.

*Not really. But kind of.

Peter's New Bike

2011-07-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

He calls it The Ring - the one bike to rule them all. Which considering he went from 4 bikes down to 2, is pretty accurate.

If he were writing this post he would have all kinds of things to say about the bike, it's components, the brakes, what he's going to change on it, the pedals.....blah blah blah.

It's a bike. He likes it. The End.

How you know you have good friends

2011-07-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

You get invited out for an evening of drinks and food and vacation pictures and you reply back that you can't go because your husband is working. This happens a lot, which is OK. It's just part of firelife. But at this point in time, said husband has been gone a lot and a night of drinks and friends sounds just about right.

Friend 1 e-mails back and volunteers her lovely 16 year old son to babysit your kids at her house so they can play with her daughter as well.

Then Friend 2 e-mails and offers her husband to watch the kids while we go out. You go with Friend 2 just because she had 2 kids about the same ages as yours.

You bring her lovely husband a 6 pack of beer to pay for his babysitting services because while you haven't offered, you are sure they would not take money for it.

You enjoy a grown-up evening of drinks and food with said wonderful friends. And ruminate on how lucky you are.

And then Mr. T stuck his face (mouth open) in a dirt hole. Which was both adorable and gross.

Getting Stuff Done

2011-07-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

So last night, a very over-tired and over-stimulated Miss E threw a tantrum at bedtime. A certain very-tired Daddy in the house, decided he had had enough of the tantrum and took down Miss E's beloved fort she had created under her bed. Now, there is a very long drawn-out version of this story and that certain over-tired Daddy has apologized but nevertheless, that is what happened in a nutshell.

This morning, a now kind of pissed off Miss E woke up, picked a fight with her brother and when banished to her room for a behavior improvement, emptied the entire contents of her room onto the floor. She essentially one-upped her father. Everything on the shelves, the bed, the dresser drawers and in the bins, went into a big heaping pile on the floor and there she sat perched on her desk looking at it all.

Well. I had stuff to do today to the tune of putting up some curtains and planting our flower pots so I said nothing about the room and we all got dressed and went to Lowe's. At this point I told Miss E that I had intended on getting some new shelves for her room (I really had) but that we couldn't put them in there right now because of the mess. So we picked out curtain rods and shelves and storage bins and flowers and lights and went home. While we were at the store Miss E kept saying to me "I'll never be able to clean up my room" to which I would mildly reply "oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out".

I knew in the end she would need some help but I wanted her to ask me instead of me offering it. We went home, I hung up a curtain rod (with minimal damage to the wall thank you very much) and started to plant some plants. I heard Miss E in her room picking some stuff up and finally she came out and asked me to help her. I told her I would help for 10 minutes and then I had other work to do. So I set the timer, we both went in and cleaned for 10 minutes and I left her to it. For the rest of the day, she worked away picking up her stuff. I put in a few 5 or 10 minute cleaning shifts but overall, she did it herself. At the end of the day her room looked pretty good and it felt like a success. She didn't yell or get angry, I didn't yell or get angry and she cleaned up the mess herself. I don't think she'll dump her room like that again now that she knows how much work it is to clean up! And the curtains and flowers look pretty good too if I do say so myself.

Oregon Country Fair

2011-07-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

As we drove up to Country Fair today Mr. T yelled "hey look! That guy's wearing a tutu!" and then giggled. Oh boy, I thought to myself, this could be a long day. And yes, the parking guys were all wearing tutu's. We explained to the kids that this was a place where people came to dress up HOWEVER they wanted and that we could look and say we liked their costumes but not point and laugh. Of course, once we got there, they were so enamored with looking at everything that they just loved every single bit of silliness about the fair. The stilt walkers, the guy dressed as a tree, the dragon parade, the hula hoop girls, the drums, the tie-dyed flags, and on and on and on.

It was actually good that a lot of it went over their heads because there were some decidedly inappropriate (for children) costumes - naked people, painted naked people, young girls wearing lingerie, a guy only wearing a pair of women's underwear and a pig's mask. Yep, they had it all. Fortunately the kids were so overwhelmed with the colors and sounds and amusement of the place that they didn't really focus in on individual costumes.

We spent a lot of time parked in the Chela Mella Meadow, which was kind of the kids area. They had a kids stage and when we got there they were running a talent show where whomever wanted could get up and do their thing. My nephew got up there and told a joke to the crowd. Before he left, I asked what he was going to do and he said (with a devilish grin) "I'm going to tell a joke and NOBODY'S going to get it". Oh you go little man. Right on up there. And he did.

For the rest of the day we wandered around, ate food, listened to the drum circle and ate more food. Mr. T particularly enjoyed his snow cone (GMO free and with out high fructose corn syrup thank you very much) and Miss E loved the quesadillas.

Next year, Peter and I have talked about trying to come back and camp for the three days - just the two of us. He may be able to work at the fair, enabling us to camp there and see all the after-hours performances.

As for the kids, we are definitely taking them back for a day next year. Miss E has already told me she wants to dress up (although please please please let it not be in her underwear). Maybe then Mr. T will wear a tutu as well.

Picture FAIL

2011-07-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

I am so not kidding you when I say this is the BEST of the three pictures shot with my camera today. By husband, of course. I tend to shy away from pictures of people eating just because, well, it's universally not flattering but husband snapped away. He was gone last night to Eugene to see a concert and spent this afternoon at home before he had to go to work tonight. This is starting to feel like a long stretch of being alone with the kiddos and a sick kitty cat.

Heart Break

2011-07-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

One of our cats, one we've had for 16 years is nearing the end of his life. Now, we are not the cat-are-our-babies sort of people, but we do love our kitties and this one, Samson, in particular has seen Peter and I through our entire relationship. He is also Miss E's buddy. He sleeps in her room, on her blankets and bumps his head against her hand for scratches. He sits on her bed while she's crying. She feeds him and makes sure the dog doesn't eat his food.

Tonight it occurred to me that because I have a daughter who wants/needs to know what is going to happen before it happens, I should probably prep her for some bad news in the Samson department. So at bedtime, we talked. I told her that he was very sick and very old and that while we had taken him to the vets we still don't fully know what's wrong with him. He could have days, he could have months. We just don't know. As I was carefully speaking these words to her, her eyes filled up with tears and the sobbing started. Oh, the heartbreak. It hit me THEN how truly hard this was going to be. Not only would I be grieving for my kitty cat but so would she. And I understand things like life-span and quality of life and what the limits of healthcare are. She doesn't. Stuff like this is so hard to explain to a 6 year old. Or maybe the hard part is that it isn't hard to explain to her, she gets it, but the emotions are hard to feel.

Truthfully, I don't know how much longer we have with our Sammy but I know it's probably not long. We talked about making him comfortable and letting him sleep in her room a lot. Giving him lots of fresh water and just loving him as much as we can, together, for the next few days to see if he will get better. And after that, I don't know. We didn't talk about that tonight because truthfully, her emotional response was a bit more than I expected and I'm not sure the correct way to address it. Hopefully I'll have some time to work it out.

Stuff to do

2011-07-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

Despite it's late start, summer has come barreling at me full force. Today I found myself staring at a to-do list as long as my arm coupled with a migraine.

Peter has been working A LOT.

We have been gone A LOT. (Neither of those things is going to be changing much in the near future...)

My yard needs work and watering and my kitty cat is sick and requiring a lot of care. There are flowers to be planted. The house is a mess. We are not unpacked from vacation. There is a week's worth of mail sitting on my desk. Checks need to be deposited, dog food needs to be purchased. These things called "bills" need to be paid. Strawberries need to be frozen or made into jam. There are friends to call and e-mails to respond to. The third book of the Hunger Games needs to be read. And oh yeah, those little creatures I call my children require feeding several times a day.

Despite my bitching, our vacation was beyond WONDERFUL. Maybe the best we have taken with the kids. Posts and pictures will go up as I make the time. Peter working a ton is a good thing as well, even though I am spending a lot of time as a single parent, it's better for our family overall. So, I am going to put my head down, tackle things one at a time and just get it done as I can.

Sparklers

2011-07-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

I am officially adding fireworks to my short list of things I can't/won't do alone with the kids. Too stressful. You know what else is stressful? Returning from a week long trip the evening before a holiday and then having your parents over for dinner. At least it was my parents and it was OK that the house was a mess and there was camping gear hanging all over the yard.

Our tradition on 4th of July is to go berry picking and then have dinner with people (whomever) and do fireworks at home. Last year, for the first time, we kept the kids up and went to see the big fireworks. I am trying to keep holiday traditions mostly the same whether Peter is home or not so it's not like "Sorry kids, Daddy's at work, holiday's cancelled." Instead we just go on without him. So we did go berry picking this year with my mom and although we are at the very very end of strawberry season and the picking was hard, Miss E impressed me with her picking skills. This is going to be a good year of berry picking for her. We ended up buying some berries from the farm and then all sat and had ice cream before heading home for rest time.

My parents came over for dinner and we lit off sparklers afterwards. Last year, Mr. T was TERRIFIED of the fireworks. He spent the entire time hiding in the house and we do not let off crazy fireworks in our yard. Mostly sparklers and a few fountain thingies. This year, when Miss E and I went to get the fireworks last night, I carefully selected a few that would not be loud/bangy or too crazy to have in addition to the sparklers. Still, Mr. T sat on the deck the entire time. He did one sparkler with me holding it with him and one with Nana holding it with him but that is it. He was outside though! And not freaking out! So, win.

Miss E on the other hand made short work of about 60 sparklers and would have done more if we had purchased them. She is all in on the fireworks.

The one thing we didn't do was stay up to go see the big show. This was less about Peter not being around as it was about just getting home from vacation and having some very tired kiddos. Next year.

Heading Home

2011-07-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

Last day of vacation and the only pictures were taken with my ipod. This morning 9 of us went out to breakfast before we split up to head our separate ways home. The picture is of my niece and brother-in-law at the restaurant.

We are all tired but it was the best vacation. Just the best. When we got home, during a little rest time, Miss E wrote an account of our trip for her journal and shared it with me, and gave me permission to put it here. So here is our vacation through Miss E's eyes:

My Trip to the Wallowas

We rode in the car for 7 hours. Then we saw a deer sleeping in our camp site. So we stood back so the deer had some space. And then he walked away. After that we set up our tent. And made dinner. We had hot dogs for dinner and pasta. And the we figured out that the bathroom stinks. Then we had free reading and went to bed. Before bed we built animal beds and roasted marshmallows.

Day 1. When we woke up the next morning we had breakfast. Then we went to have a shower. And went on the tram. We saw furballs and snow. Then we went to get ice cream. After that we went fishing and guess what! I caught a fish! After that we had dinner and roasted smores. We went to bed.

In the morning we had eggs and toast for breakfast. On our camping trip we also: went on bumper-boats and went out to dinner at the brewery and slept in teepees and saw our cousins and rode bikes and went fishing and saw a snake. And drove on a 3 hour drive back. The end.

The Hot Tub

2011-07-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

Whew. We have been on vacation for a long time at this point. The kids have had enough of being outside - especially poor Mr. T. His sensitive skin and eczema are not liking all the sunscreen/sweat/odd showers and general dirtiness. He and I stayed at the house almost all day today so he didn't have to put on any sunscreen. Miss E elected to stay home with us while everyone else went to the park/on a bike ride. It worked out fine because we all needed some down time.

In the afternoon all 10 of us headed to a brewery for lunch where we met up with an old college friend of Peter and I's. After lunch it was home and somehow the kids decided the hot tub was the place to be. It was at least 85 degrees out but they insisted to all of them (except Mr. T - the chlorine is a no-go for him) hopped in out of the hot tub, alternating between playing the hot water and squirting each other with the hose.

Tonight all the grown-ups except me boarded their bikes and rode into town to watch the Ween concert and I put the kiddos to bed.

Painted Hills

2011-07-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today was another travel day (John Day to Bend) and on our way to Bend we stopped at the Painted Hills to hike a bit. I would love to post a ton of pictures of this place, better yet, you all should go visit. The hills are so vividly colored with greens and reds and oranges and browns, it looks unreal. This picture in no way does it justice. Although the kids did a great job hiking - Mr. T made it the entire way! And they enjoyed their post-hike lollypop. Yes, if you hike a mile in the desert you get a lollypop.

This evening we got to Bend and my my sister and her family at the house we are renting for this weekend. Peter and I went out on a date to dinner and a movie and just wandering around while the kids stayed back at the house playing with their cousins. Our friend Casey arrived late tonight. Overall, it's been a fun way to settle into a weekend with the family. And after 5 nights of sleeping in my sleeping bag, a bed is a really nice change.

Teepee

2011-06-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

At this campground there are two teepees, right next to each other in the day use area. This location is good because of 1) the gorgeous empty lawn 2) it's right on the river and 3) you're away from the other campers so the kids can be a bit louder. It's not so good in that 1) the bathrooms are far away 2) the bathrooms are far away and 3) the bathrooms are far away. Let's just say that after 4 days of vacation in campground, my kids, who really prefer to use our own bathroom (as do I), are a little, umm... uncomfortable. Each of them only wants me to go the bathrooms with them and it's a pretty long walk. Frequently we get there and they won't go or try unsuccessfully. They also won't go together. This has resulted in me working every single hot dog and smore calorie off by hiking back and forth 200 times to the bathrooms.

Through some crazy stroke of fate, the family renting the other teepee is our friend Jennifer. She's from the early mom's group I went to when Miss E was a baby and her daughter is 2 days older than Miss E. Neither of us planned this, we just made our own reservations and later realized it was for the same two nights. It has been a lot of fun to have friends to camp with and Miss E especially has loved having her friend around. The girls have spent most of the time at the campsite taking turns riding Miss E's bike and drawing. Mr. T has been a bit left out but true to form, he has created a "machine" out of the fence and the fire wood and a cardboard box and has busied himself playing on it. Jennifer also has a perfectly nice and perfectly kind 16 year old son who won't really talk to me. But he's great with the kids and seems to have no problem talking to Peter about what type of stuff burns (one of Peter's favorite subjects). I think 16 can be an awkward age for boys. Mr. T loves him.

We spent today hiking in the Fossil National Monument. The trail we went on was only a mile long but it was uphill and super hot and in the desert so it was a tough mile. Mr. T was feeling very, let's say... uncomfortable due to reasons listed above and didn't make it the whole way. Miss E however, made it to the end of the trial with me! I was so proud of her and told her that hiking a mile in the desert is like hiking three miles in the forest - it's just harder.

So far, this vacation has been so wonderful. The kids are old enough to do stuff, they are flexible and there has been nary an argument between Peter and I. The one hiccup was Miss E having a major meltdown tonight which felt huge and dramatic and intense but really, once we stepped back and realized that she has been up really late for 4 nights now with no mid-day rest/quiet time or alone time that she craves, was just a hiccup.

Oregon Trail Museum

2011-06-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

As we packed up camp this morning, it rained a little bit. Then we drove a few hours and it rained a little bit more. Not a lot, just enough to make everything damp. When we stopped at the Oregon Trail Interpretive Center outside of Baker City and in the smack-dab middle of miles upon miles of prairie nothingness, the smell of the land and the sage all warm and damp was overwhelmingly amazing.

The museum was pretty awesome as well. Perched on a hill, there were all kind of displays about the Oregon Trail, buggies and games for the kids to play. As you looked out the huge windows over the land you can still see the wagon ruts of the actual Oregon Trail. So cool. That was my favorite part. The kids favorite part was this wagon that you had to "pack" with huge foam blocks all labeled things like "40 lbs. whisky" or "120 lbs. hard tack". Both of them had a ball trying to fit things in their wagons and then playing dress up in the prairie clothes. Since Miss E just read a few of the Little House on the Prairie books and I read a few to her, it was especially interesting for us.

This evening we arrived in John Day for the second part of our trip. We have said good-bye to our tent (3 nights of family tent camping is enough thank you very much) and hello to a state park teepee! It's still all one room so we are a bit more spread out and hopefully the kids, at least Mr. T, will sleep a little bit later. Mr. T has been my "morning buddy" so far this trip which means he sleeps next to me and as soon as I open my eyes at some ungodly hour of the morning I see his smiling face. Then we sneak out of the tent and eat cookies and color and make coffee before everyone else gets up. I really don't mind it, he's impossibly cheerful and I don't have that many more years left of getting up early with a little kiddo but I wouldn't mind sleeping until 7 tomorrow. Then we can be morning buddies.

Hiking in the Grass

2011-06-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

What a great day. I mean, vacationing with kids you have to expect that some things won't be completely awesome - say when your 6 year old cries for the first part of a hike because her pants are too uncomfortable and it's just SO HOT - but overall, this day was one of the best I've had in awhile.

We started off with a short hike, first thing in the morning so it would be cooler. Of course, as we drive into the parking lot, the prison bus is offloading their work crew to do trail maintenance at the same time. Peter and I kind of looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders as if to say "well, I guess that's the way it goes" and herded the kids up the hike. After Miss E got over her intial whatever-the-heck was going on, we hiked to a little pond, had a snack and watched the kids throw rocks in the water. Throwing rocks into water = always fun.

They took off their shoes to wade in a creek and as they were drying off and putting them back on, Peter quietly says "Sarah, there's a fox!" And sure enough, about 10 feet away from us was a fox in the brush holding her prey in her mouth. She just sat there a minute, trying to decide what to do and when she pushed past us, crossed the creek on the bridge and went into the brush. We finished putting the kids shoes on and then wandered (on the trail) across the bridge and there the fox was again! We snapped about 100 pictures and just kind of followed her around for about 10 minutes. It was amazing. We stayed on the trail the entire time so she could have easily escaped off into the brush but she just hung out, walking, drinking and sunning herself. Peter and I couldn't believe it. We kept telling the kids how rare it was to see a fox up close, blah blah blah, and they really were pretty excited.

After the hike we went to the shores of the lake where Mr. T and Peter waded in the water and Miss E and I read our books on a blanket in the shade. It was a relaxing and cool way to spend the hottest part of the day. Then it was off to the local town for dinner at the brewery and fishing. We went back to the same lake we were at yesterday but after dinner, which is a better time to fish. This lake is in the middle of nowhere in the prairie and when we arrived there were two other people fishing but when we left it was just us, the fish and a great blue heron. The kids both "caught" a fish which was really exciting for them.

We took pictures of each kid with their fish - Peter held Mr. T's and Miss E's but not before he tried to hand it to her (seriously, handing a 6 year old a live fish to hold is not a good idea) and it thumped itself on the rock sustaining a minor head injury. No worries though, after a tense moment of it hanging upside down in the water, it swam away. At dusk the kids threw rocks in the water, played in the grass and we just sat and breathed in the vast, empty prairie surrounding us.

Oregon's Alps

2011-06-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

Above Wallowa lake is the mountain range that defines the Eagle Cap Wilderness. They are also called "Oregon's Alps" because they somewhat echo the Swiss Alps although on a much smaller scale. You can take a tram ride up up up up to get to this little lookout on top and hike around a bit. Let me just say a few things:

1) The tram is old, a bit rickety looking and very high off the ground. It also takes about 20 minutes to get up to the top. Straight up the side of a mountain.

2) I generally like to have my feet on the ground.

3) Temperature at base - 80 degrees. Temperature at top: 50 degrees in the sun. No enclosed structures to hang out in other than a restaurant with plastic siding on three sides.

So. I learned a little lesson today. The best moms are prepared. I had no idea it would be that cold up there, I just happened to throw in the kids coats because they had complained that morning about the wind being chilly. Also, threw in some snacks just because. This all turned out to be a good thing because we got to the top, hiked around a bit in the wind and then just as we were thinking about heading down the mountain the tram broke. That's right. THE TRAM BROKE. Trapping us on top of the mountain and trapping some souls more unfortunate than us IN THE TRAM CARS. Ahem. They told us they didn't know how long it would be until they could get it fixed but at least a few hours. By this point the kids were cold and hungry and tired of the wind. Umm.......

However, this situation which seemed ripe for disaster ended up being, well, OK. We sat out of the wind in the open air restaurant and ordered french fries and coffee. The kids had snacks from my bag. Miss E noticed that there were both chipmunks and grey squirrel like things begging for food so we made a list of differences between them. Mr. T ate peanuts and cuddled with Peter. When Miss E was starting to get really bored, I got on my ipod (oddly enough the top of the mountain was the only place we had internet or phone service for a week) and bought her a Judy Moody book to read on it (insert little fist pump for technology here). We took a few more little hikes around and when the repair guy drove up the back side of the mountain on his 4 wheeler with snow-something wheels, Mr. T and I spent a long time marveling at the awesomeness of the vehicle*. Finally, after 3 extra hours the tram was working again and we headed down.

Then it was bumper boats (yeah, they had those) and an unsuccessful but fun attempt at fishing. Dinner, more smores, more deer-watching and then bed.

*He did. I pretended I actually knew what it was.

Wallowa Lake

2011-06-26T14:57:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness do I love Oregon. We have everything here. Mountains, desert, high desert, lakes, the coast, forest... all of it. For our vacation this year we started out at Wallowa Lake in the far northeast corner of Oregon. I haven't been here since I rode CycleOregon pre-kids (yes, that's a week long bike ride....) and now that the kids are old enough to handle the almost 7 hour drive and the multiple nights of camping, here we are. The drive out here passes through forest, then desert, then some high desert and then you get to the lake nestled at the base of some mountains.

Once we got here and set up camp (after greeting the overly-friendly local deer) we walked down to the lake after dinner to see it and wade (for the under 7 age group) in the freezing waters. Before we were done, both the kids were soaked and proudly talking about how slimy the lake bottom felt. Then it was back to camp for smores and bedtime.

Packing for a trip

2011-06-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

So. Tomorrow we are leaving for a week long trip and today Peter is working (all you fire ladies out there know what I'm talking about). That leaves me to pack up and what you are seeing in the picture is only a fraction of the crap we are taking. I'm not kidding. A play doctors kit, about 10 thousand kids books, two fire vehicles, food (lucky charms are a camping treat), more books, blah blah blah. Somehow it will all fit in the minivan tomorrow morning and we will be off on a 7 hour drive through our beautiful state to camp at Wallowa Lake. Until then, I will be madly packing and cleaning.

Happy Birthday Mr. T!

2011-06-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Before my in-laws left this morning, they posed for a few pictures in front of our house (see the over-grown monster bush that looks like it's about to attack Peter's grandma? Yeah. I've got some yard work to do). After a morning of work and party recovery, saying good-bye to some family and a brief rest time, we all convened at my parents house tonight for a dinner to celebrate our trip to Spain. There was an alberino wine tasting (yum!), tapas and a lovely Spanish dinner.

The kids ate before us and then got to watch a movie. Mr. T picked the kid's dinner (breakfast for dinner) and the movie (Rescue Heros THE MOVIE). We gifted him all the power because today is his birthday! That's right, 5 years ago today I was painfully sweating my way through labor, holding Peter's hand until I went from the mother of one to the mother of two. Tonight, when I put Mr. T to bed, I told him the story of his birth, the story of the day he was born. I do this with each of the kids on their birthdays, each year adding a few more details as is age appropriate. It's nice for me to remember those days of labor and the kids like to hear about how they came into the world. Seeing as this is his birthday, and this is a blog, I would be remiss if I didn't post a little note for him. However, honestly, these can be a little boring if they aren't for YOUR kid so feel free to skip along.

My dear Mr. T,
Today you are 5. You are also my baby. I'm sorry kiddo but that's the way it works. My youngest little duckling will always be my baby - no matter how old you are. Each night when I go in to check on you before I go to bed I wonder at where those legs came from. Seriously, where did they come from? For years you were the sweet chubby toddler and preschooler and then all of a sudden these - skinny long legs with knobby knees all banged up and bruised from your busy days. Your growing too fast darlin'. Too fast.

One thing that hasn't changed is your smile. Your infectious, bright-eyed, dimpled smile. Your face can make a room light up. My mom always says "he's all heart" and I tell Daddy that Mr. T is my heart and Miss E is my soul. You have an earnest, wide-open, innocent and infectious love of your family, the world and all that interests you. Your feelings get hurt easily but you are easy to forgive, to give a hug or tell a joke.

You entertain yourself better than ever now, art is starting to be more of your thing and the toys. My dear, you are the kid that toys were invented for. Before this year I really couldn't figure out the billions dollar toy industry but then you got older and fell in love with your toys. You can play for hours with the fire trucks and the bat cave and the jokers, narrating your stories to yourself (out loud) the entire time. The magnetic blocks build endless forts and your trucks and helicopters fly numerous rescue missions a day.

This summer you are going to summer camp at the elementary school with Miss E. Just like a big kid. Next fall, you will start kindergarten. Kindergarten! How the heck did that happen? Wasn't it just yesterday you were waking me up for the day at 5 and then screaming at me for an hour? Only a few days ago that I was cuddling with your soft soft chubby baby cheeks? I miss that baby and that toddler and that preschooler but I have to say, even though it's going too fast, I do love watching you grow up. Every once in awhile while you are playing or sleeping I will look at you and catch a tiny hint, a whisp of the man you will become. And then I get a little excited to know that man and have to remind myself that really, I want to savor every single moment on the road there. Babe, you bring sunshine and smiles and heart into my life and I wish you another great year.

Love, Mommy.