Monkey Mind

As we went to bed last night it was so peaceful. The house was dark and quiet, our bed is unbelievably comfortable and I was snuggled against my warm snoozing hubby. The windows were open and there was a cool breeze and the sound of rain. The whole air was filled with the sweetness and quiet of the moment and then….

I wonder how we can help Mr. T focus. Maybe more puzzles? Is it just something he will pick up with out us forcing it? Should I even be worried?

My brain switched on. I think in Buddhism it’s called Monkey Mind.  Let it go, I told myself, enjoy the moment you are in now and go to sleep.  A moment later:

I can’t believe I’m going to lose my football matchup again this week? Did I draft wrong? How come all my running backs suck? Is Alex Smith going to be playing any better this week? Should I bench him?

Seriously, I tell myself? You’re thinking about football while you are lying in bed next your sleeping husband enjoying this perfect moment? Let it go.

Should I try and head to the Round-Up this weekend with the girls? No, you have responsibilities. But it would be spontaneous and fun and a way of saying yes to life. But your way of saying yes to life right now is not leaving Peter to care for the kids and their cousins alone, watching your daughter’s soccer game and spending the weekend with your family. But it would be fun and a lifetime memory and you have lots of weekends to spend with your family. Sorry but it’s not possible – you have responsibilities.

Apparently I argue with myself a lot in my head. At this point I was getting increasingly frustrated. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I turn off my brain? Not even for rain and peacefulness and sleep? OK, focus on the rain. Let’s just listen to that and see if it works.

I can’t believe Peter has been off work for 5 days. It really doesn’t seem like that long, usually it seems longer. I think that’s a good thing…..

OK really, stop. Go to sleep.

And it continued on like that until I finally fell asleep and when I woke up at 5:30 my brain literally picked up where it left off. Exhausting.  

This morning while Miss E was at school, Mr. T and I headed to the children’s museum to glaze our clay projects that we made last month. He is pretty picky about which art projects he will engage in and/or spend some focused energy with so this was a real treat for me to sit in the clay studio with him. We sat and glazed our pieces, chatting about colors and brushes.  It was actually very calming for my Monkey Mind.