Saturday, May 19, 2012
On being married to a Firefighter
Warning: pure whining ahead, proceed with caution.
Did you know that firefighters have a 3 times higher divorce rate than the general population? That it's second only to military statistics? Yeah. (See? It's firefighters who are ruining marriage, not gay people) Well after being married to a firefigher for 10 years, I can see why. There are actually several reasons this is true but the one that is getting to me the most these days is time. Over the last four months we have averaged sleeping in the same place 17 days a month. You know how most folks have all day saturday and sunday and then every night together? We have 1/2 that and usually not the weekends. During the week, I work the days he is off so we end up with about 3 week nights together and maybe 1 weekend day/night. It makes me feel like I can't go out with my friends because well, he's only home half the time, so I feel like I should be here. Bonding.
And boy am I growing weary of being alone so much. Yes, the kids are older and parenting isn't so intensive. That used to be the thing - I needed help. But now, I'm just tired of taking the kids out to breakfast and having everyone assume I'm a single mom. I'm tired of not having him with me to go through our daughter's first sleepover together. I'm tired of having to constantly manage my patience level because I've been alone with the kids for 2 days and they've been grumpy and I've kind of had it but there is no one else there to step in and give me a break. Of him not being here to hang out with the kids a lot. Next year the kids will be in school full time so Mr. T's time with his dad will be cut. And while I do enjoy having the bed to myself a bit, I'm tired of being married and sleeping alone half the time.
I knew going into our marriage that I would have to be strong and alone a lot. That just comes with the territory. But 10 years in, I'm starting to get sick of it. I dream of taking an every Monday night yoga class. Or having another adult home to eat dinner with us more than half time or going out with my friends without feeling guilty that I'm taking time away from our marriage. Or not already panicking about the kids having soccer practice at the same time at different locations.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's not going to change. He would be so incredibly grumpy to have to work a 40 hour schedule and he earns a decent income and he likes his job a decent amount. But oh my goodness, I am getting tired of paying the price of admission for being married, and yet not having a husband around.