Starting Up Again

Sunday of Memorial day. Instead of doing our full trip to all the family cemeteries we only made it to my Grandparents, the one in town. It means a lot though, to stop there every year, put some garden-picked flowers in a vase and see their names etched on the nook. We had my sister and all the kids and my parents and even though it was different than last year, and much shorter, it felt a bit the same. And kind of like a little bit of normalcy was creeping back into our lives.

I've been thinking a lot about starting this little blog up again and maybe, just MAYBE, even doing another 365. Writing is so therapeutic for me and this blog ends up being kind of like a journal. A place to get it all out and work through things going on in my life. Of course, it's public. So that's kind of like leaving your diary around for everyone to read. Which is awkward. Really really awkward. I like to think though, that I have a pretty good sense of boundaries and privacy and I do so love the interaction you get with folks over the internets. We are all fighting our battles and winning our wars and while you can't walk by strangers on the street and know their fights, you can peruse the blogs and get a great sense of sisterhood. It means a lot to me.

My hesitations are a few though.

1) Most of my pictures these day are on instagram. Which is good, kind of, not really. It's easier to capture our day to day life there and I do LOVE Instagram but the quality is crappy and certainly not something I want in life-journal or photo album. Also, I think my fancy camera lens has something wrong with it. However, I do want to get back to using the good camera more and need some motivation to drag it down to the dudes at the camera shop.

2) I'm sure no one reads this anymore (not that a lot of people did in the beginning) but really, that's OK. If I start again it's more for me than anyone else.

3) (and this is the biggie...) this year has been (for lack of a better term...) a struggle so far. Two years ago I went to Spain, our family went to Disneyland, my daughter learned to read, my son discovered Lego's and life was good. I mean really really good. Sure there were ups and downs, but overall, things were great. This year, well, it's kind of pulled the rug out from under me. We're all fine but things around me are hard. Things for my family are hard. We are all fighting our own struggles and some of it I just won't be able to write about because of privacy and I don't really want my blog to be all complain, complain, vague blog, more vague blogging, sucky, sucky.

I think I'm going to try though because I know in the future, sitting in the old folks home, I will love to look back at my pictures and see my life laid out before me. It will be a great gift to my children to someday, when they are adults, read my words and know that even when thing were not good, our house was filled with love and my heart always always always holds them in it.