Sunday, March 13, 2011
50mm 1.4 - You're a Winner!
So it came down to this - the last lens I tried out. The perfect length, the perfect f stop or aperture or whatever the heck you call that number. This picture was taken in our house (which is darkish in the winter due to being surrounded by trees) and the kids were flat out wrestling, moving, rolling and jumping. Being able to get this shot without using a flash in any semblance of focus is far above where my current lenses can go. I'm ordering this lens as soon as possible.
I have been seriously off my game lately and I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm getting sick, or if everyone else is off their game and that's throwing me or if it's the migraine meds but I have not felt myself this weekend. Last night I couldn't fall asleep and I was just laying there in the dark awash with anxiety, not just about one thing but with my brain jumping from one thing to another.
Anxiety about radiation, what it would feel like to be trapped in an earthquake, what it would feel like to be trapped in an earthquake with your kids, falling in icy water, riding in airplane, and riding in a plane without Peter. Anxiety about some family issues and worry about people whom I love. Then I started on the what ifs:
What if something happens while I'm in Spain? To the kids? To Peter? To me?
What if I'm on the trail and something happens, and I'm days away from an airport?
What if one of our pets dies while I'm gone?
What if the plane crashes?
What if the kids miss me too much and it's hard for them?
What if it's too much for Peter to take care of them by himself for 2 weeks?
What if I have an anxiety attack on the plane? What if I throw up on the plane?
Do you think I'm carrying a bit of stress about my trip to Spain? Yeah, me too. For 2 hours, I lay in the dark with my brain racing, thought after thought of all the things I am worried about or that could happen. And then I had the simple thought "we will deal with it". If any of these things happen, we will deal with it. Just like everything else. We will deal with what comes our way with grace, even if it's vomiting on a plane due to anxiety. Ok, I'm not really so sure how that could be handled with much grace, but everything else.