Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Something's not quite right

I've been feeling for a bit that something is not quite right. Something is a bit off. And I can't quite put my finger on it.

When Miss E was a baby, I quickly learned that the only thing constant was change. Once we got into a good schedule / routine, it would change, she would change or I would change. Then we would go through a brief, and sometimes painful, period of adjustment and soon we would be in a new routine or schedule that was working great. The kids are obviously older now so things don't change as rapidly as they did when they were little but the painful part of the change is often slower too. Lately I've been feeling like something isn't going right for Miss E. Her routine is wrong, she's somehow not having her needs met, I don't know. But look at her face - she looks tired to me, kind of worn out. We've had more behavior issues than normal as well. More power struggles.

I cannot figure out what it is though. Her teacher says everything is fine, she hasn't dropped any hints and things in general seem OK. It's like how you tell if a great work of art is a forgery. Everything can be technically perfect, but there just is an overall sense that something is wrong. That's kind of how this feels. Nothing is wrong with her, nothing is wrong with us, something just needs to be tweaked so our family works better as a whole. Part of it, I know, is that Miss E has kind of given up eating most things. This is actually a symptom (hello power struggle!) and part of the cause of her not feeling great. We are working through that in a few ways and I hope that over the next few weeks we are able to change a few things so she is able to thrive better.

I don't know if I need to be home more, we need to do more family things, the house needs to be more orderly, things need to be more planned ahead or she needs some one on one attention. All those are things that are important to her and have fallen a little bit to the wayside. In a way, it's good when this happens because it reminds me once again that part of Peter and I's job is making sure our family and our life works for all 4 of us, not just him and not just me. It makes me step up my game a bit and reminds me to put our family first and foremost in my life.

It could also be not about us at all. She could be going through a growth spurt or something at school. I have encouraged her to write in her journal more and set aside time for her and I to do things together. I've tried to keep on top of the house and be more attentive to cooking healthy meals while not making a huge issue out of food. Unfortunately, I don't think things will settle out fully until a few weeks after I get back from Spain. Being away from them for 2 weeks isn't going to help much and I know she is anxious about that. All of us are anxious about it. Sometimes I feel super selfish for taking this trip but I know that I wouldn't want Peter, or the kids in the future, to pass up on a once in a lifetime experience like this.

This got really long. Hmm.... let's just say that I'm worried about my baby and at the same time, I know everything will be fine. Eventually.

1 comment:

  1. Your worries sound very natural to me, mama. Tweaking will go on thruout life with the littles and then later for you and hubster. The only constant in life is the constant change :)