Sadness

Coming home from work today, I knew Peter would need some time to decompress. Men are sad differently than women, I think, and although Peter did not know the firefighter who died well, they had worked together several times and as a member of the department the loss is felt deeply. I'm not sure how to really describe it. If you're a part of a fire department you understand and if not, it's hard to explain. It's felt deeply like a brother has died. Not like a co-worker, but an actual brother. The fact that this guy was young and it was sudden and traumatic makes it even harder.

After we dropped the kids off at summer camp, Peter and I had coffee and went to look at lumber for our front porch and just dinked around. Once we picked the kiddos up I went to work. After work I went out with some friends. I know it seems like I was abandoning him, but really I knew he needed some time to be alone.

This afternoon he set up our old tent to take pictures of and sell on Craigslist. Well the kids couldn't resist and soon enough I got an e-mail at work with this picture and the message "we're camping out in the back yard tonight."

When I returned home around 10, he was sitting up by the fire and the kids were peacefully sleeping in the tent. We sat for a little bit and then went to bed. I know this is weighing on him heavily but in a way that can't be expressed verbally. Thank goodness we have been together long enough that I know him this well.