Thursday, April 26, 2012
Peter has been gone for most of this week (home for one day) and I'm not going to lie, it's Thursday night and I'm feeling the strain. It's not that the kids are hard or the house is hard to take care of it, it's being the only one here. The only one to answer about 8 million questions, run all the errands, clean the house and give individual attention to everyone who needs it. On top of that, Miss E is going through something and needs a lot MORE right now. Leaving me, at 7pm on Thursday, wishing desperately that I could just go shut off bedroom lights.
I am just tense. I can feel it in my shoulders and my back and I have to really watch myself that I don't start snapping at the kids just because I'm tired and need a break. Miss E has been yelling at everyone all day (and yesterday and the day before that....) and I know she's going through something but I don't know what. That girl, more than anyone else in my life ever, keeps me on my toes, keeps me guessing. I was e-mailing her teacher a little about it today and after many very sweet words about how great she thinks Miss E is, she said "Miss E will continue to present challenges. My advice, try and stay ahead of her stage of development". Ha! I feel like since that girl has been born I've been trying to keep up. It's just so much harder now because there are so many more variables. I don't control every aspect of her world nor do I witness every interaction she has. Parenting has become a lot about guesswork -is she bored at home? Does she need more physical activity? Is she bored at school? Is she having a social problem at school? Has she started to feel insecure about herself and her looks? Do we need to give her more freedom at home? Is she sick? Do we need to be kinder or more direct in our interactions with her? Or is this something we just need to ride out? WHO KNOWS.
For now though, I'm going to kiss my babies, turn out their lights and enjoy some peace and quiet. Tomorrow is a new day.