Mr.T and I

I have hardly any pictures of me because well.... I kind of hate pictures of myself. I always think I look bad and it's hard for Peter to work my camera (or he doesn't like it - one or the other) so there are precious few pictures of me or of me with the kids. This is something I'm really trying to remedy this year because unattractive or not (I know, I know.....) I was here. When the kids look back on their childhood I want them to see that I WAS HERE. Not just behind the camera, but here, day in and day out, playing with them, fixing their toys, watching them play soccer or ride bikes or whatever else they do. And they will want pictures too, the way that I wish there were more pictures of my mom with my sister and I. So this year, one of my resolutions (besides getting everyone on my side of the family to get over their fear of the camera) is to get myself over my fear of the camera. The front of the camera that is, I kind of like the back part of it.

An Anniversary of Sorts

It's not our wedding anniversary today, that came much later. Today is our dating anniversary. The approximate date that we went from living together as roommates in a big house of people to living together as dating people. Who liked each other. In that way.

We were 19 at the time so that makes it, oh, approximately 17 years ago. 17 years! We were babies. We had no idea what we were doing and really, looking back, no one should be choosing their life partner at 19. And at the time, we weren't. We just liked each other. Peter felt comfortable to me. Everyone thought we were crazy - don't date your roommates and all (and future Miss E and Mr. T if you are reading this - seriously - don't date your roommates). His parents were furious with the whole "living in sin" thing and my parents were worried that we would be in a pickle if we broke up and were still stuck living in the same house together, but we knew our hearts and we knew what was right and we carried on. Here we are 17 years later, two extra people in tow and a solid and vast and intricate life that we have built up around us. It has been years of ups and downs and growth and changes and it has been quite the adventure to say the least. Through it all, the good and the bad (more good than bad for sure), we have stayed together, simple as that. Sometimes we didn't want to, sometimes we didn't like each other but we have stayed. True and loyal. We are here.

After Dinner Walk

We haven't done this in awhile but we headed out after dinner to walk around the block. All I have to say about it is this:

1) Ginger clearly needs more exercise.

2) So do I for that matter.

3) It was cold.

4) The winter is not kind to our neighborhood. Living in a forested area without a lot of paving is mucky. Good for the environment - trees and permeable surfaces and all that - but mucky.

Mr. T's belly

We stayed home today because Mr. T was sick, well not really sick-sick but super constipated. This is something he has struggled with his entire life and every once in awhile Peter and I fall down on monitoring it and he goes a week or so without going and then things get hard (no pun intended!). He doesn't feel good, the last three days he's been given Mirilax (in adult doses) and this morning I gave him a choice of an enema or pedialax chewables. He wisely picked the chewables after he heard what an enema. He asked what flavor they were and I told him watermelon. After he ate one he looked at me with the most betrayed look ever on his face and said "these aren't watermelon! These are TERRIBLE!" I know babe, I know.

We have had him to see a pediatric gastroenterologist twice and each time the answer is "keep him on a daily dose of mirilax until he grows out of it" and here is where we fall down. I HATE giving him medicine every day. I hate giving him an ADULT medicine that you aren't supposed to use for more than a 2 week period EVERY DAY. I hate that there are polimers (plastics) in the medicine which have been indicated to contribute to autism (I know he's too old for that but still....). So when he seems fine, I forget sometimes to give him his medicine juice because in my heart I don't want to give it to him. I know he needs it and I know that getting this constipated is horrible for him (think leaking poop, bulging belly, unhappy and sick kid...) - it's miserable. For all of us, but mostly for him. For the last 4 nights he has not slept well, he has not been eating and he has not been his usual chipper self at all.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm not sure we are doing the right thing by keeping him on this medicine but it's hard for me to argue with a pediatric gastroenterologist and his pediatrician. We are way beyond all the normal and recommended constipation relief suggestions  - the eat fruit, drink water, drink juice blah blah blah - none of that has any effect.

So we ended up with today. Stuck at home, just the three of us, Mr. T running to the bathroom every 10 minutes, and Miss E whining because she was bored (me too lady but your boredom is no longer my problem....). It was a rough rough day for all of us. The laxative finally worked for Mr. T this afternoon and I'm hoping he'll be able to finally get some good sleep tonight. I'm wiped out. It doesn't seem like I should be from spending the day at the house but I am. And I feel a little demoralized. I hate that this happens to him and I hate what we have to do to treat it. All in all, I'm glad my little guy is feeling better and I'm ready to be done with today.

Something you (my mom) made

My mom is an amazing cook. Truly, she really is. Not only is she a great cook but she always cooks with the  highest quality ingredients, which really makes a difference. She was always a good cook but my sister and I were picky and she was busy when we were little so the food she made was wonderful but more simple. With time and a less picky audience, she has just amazed me with the things she tries out and how good everything turns out.

Peter is working both days this weekend and Mr. T is sick (more on that tomorrow) so we are kind of limited to what we can do. My mom invited the kids and I over for dinner tonight and made us a feast. Not the kids, the adults. We had red wine, spanish olives and saganaki for appetizers (fried cheese people, FRIED CHEESE!) and for dinner she made salmon and potatoes and I made green beans. It was delicious and made me so happy and was so much better than the quesadillas I was going to throw together at home. After dinner the kids got to teach Nana and Grandpa how to play Apples to Apples which made them pretty happy. I was still reveling in the fried cheese. Mmm....

Saturday night dinner at Nana's. It really makes the fact that you are home alone on Saturday night (which happens A LOT, more often than not) more fun.

Guilty Pleasure

This is a terrible picture (thank you ipod touch) but it was a lovely moment. Guilty pleasure - getting Miss E as soon as she gets off the bus and taking her down to Noah's for her after school snack.

Guilty part - umm..chocolate chip bagels and lemonade less than an hour before dinner.

Pleasure - spending this time with Miss E and the warm chocolate chip bagels.

I figure she doesn't eat anything for dinner anyway (nary a vegetable nor meat will pass these lips) so what the hell. We might as well enjoy our afternoon.

Also, do you love her bike gloves? It's the look she's sporting right now. As is this pink and red sweater which you might recognize from a few (or a hundred) previous posts. Don't expect it to go away anytime soon, I think it's here to stay a bit. She is fully herself for sure.

Something Old

Something old.....shells, starfish and candles from our wedding,  a piece I wove out of reeds on the last Cycle Oregon I rode, and all my Harry Potter books which have been patiently sitting on my shelf waiting for another kid to read them.

Where you Work

This big old rambling building is where I work. For now anyways. Currently I hold two jobs, this one and a small side job. Oh, and being a mom and the main house/life person for our family.

My side job is small, it brings in little income, and is one that I have wanted to quit for awhile. It's a pain in my butt to do, usually is on the weekends and always is an inconvenience. It's hard to quit though when money is so tight and it's a complicated situation with the people involved. However, the man that I am working for is selling off his business so I'm hoping that things will just come to an end soon. I believe they will.

My main job is working at the CPA firm my parents own. Being married to a firefighter and having kids, my work schedule needs to be really flexible because his is not. In fact, I actually dropped back to 3/4 time work before we had kids just because it's so hard to keep a relationship alive with the conflicting work schedules. If I worked a 5 day week, then I only have the weekends off and Peter almost always works one, sometimes both those days. I looked at a calendar for February of this year and figured that  if I worked Monday through Friday we would have had 3 full days together as a family in a month. That's not really enough. I think there are very few firefighter spouses who work a traditional 40 hour work week, it's one of those hidden downsides to that job.

So I work part time for my parents who don't care which days of the week I come in or if I have to cancel at the last minute to care for a sick kid or read during the 1st grade library time. As long as my work is done, they are flexible. It's been a great situation so far. As the kids are getting older though, I'm starting to feel my wings want to stretch a little bit. I love where I work, I love my schedule and I love being paid well. I don't exactly love my job or the work I do per se, but it's a choice. I get to eat lunch with my mom every day and see my Dad. I get to do all the work I want to do in the kid's classrooms and still bring home a paycheck for my family. It's truly a blessing and the absolute best situation for our family. For now. My parents aren't going to own this business forever, they are getting closer and closer to retirement and things are not always going to be this status quo. When they retire, I will move on as well but I'm not sure to what. It will most likely involve less money and more hours and less flexibility but maybe, just maybe it will be something that makes my heart sing. Being with my babies and being involved in their preschool and early grade school has been everything that I wanted it to be and for this time THAT has made my heart sing. Next year though, Mr. T will be in school from 9 to 3:30 every day. And I think that perhaps, even though there is no money or chance of grad school, perhaps I will find something else that makes my heart sing a happy song.

New project

I think I've mentioned a time (or a thousand....) that our house is tiny. We also don't have a garage or basement. We have two storage sheds, one of which is small and packed with the bikes and lawn mower and tools, and one which is big enough to serve mostly as an extension of space for our house and to store camping stuff. That leaves our attic for all the stuff we are saving, keepsakes, holiday decorations, etc. And our furnace is up there. No big thing. The problem has been that thus far our access to the attic has been a small hatch in the ceiling and a ladder that is not quite tall enough. So for me (or the furnace repair guy) to get up there you had to climb to the top of a ladder and then quickly step on top of a precarious book case and use your arms to pull yourself up into it. Not safe and not quick and easy. We usually have a pile of stuff waiting to be put up there because it's such a pain to do it.

Well. As of today that problem is solved! We put in one of those swing down ladders which feels like living in luxury. It's so easy! Now, why did it take us 7 years to figure this out?

Also, in related news Peter nailed himself into the attic today and I un-nailed him without hesitation. Pretty good huh? There have been a few home projects we have done together where I would have thought a bit before letting him out.

Someone(s) you love

With no school today, we took advantage of the free time to see some of our old play group friends. Now that all the kids are in different schools, and most of us moms are working at least part time, we don't see each other very often. But when we do it's always sweet and fun and just remarkable how big all these kids have gotten. I remember many days of sitting around each other's living rooms drinking coffee and nursing our oldest babies. Then there were days when at least one of us was pregnant with a second and our toddlers were wildly tearing apart someone's house while we sat and drank coffee. And then there's now, where the play is a bit more civil and we sit and drink coffee and chat. It's such a blessing to have these friends and these kids in our lives.

Sweet

Sweet things as of late:

The kids have been playing together really well. For awhile now, in fact. I'm sure it won't last forever but I'm enjoying it.

See those hearts on Miss E's door? Those are some of the ones we made for Valentine's day. She has specifically asked that we not take them down.

We finished Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and tonight we are letting Miss E stay up late to watch the movie. She's already started reading the book again on her own. She LOVES the story, the characters and keeps asking me if there is any possible way she could head to Hogwarts when she turns 10.

Mr. T still comes in at 7 every single morning to give me my "morning cuddles". Friday night we watched a movie (Mars needs Moms) that ended up being too scary for him and he came up at 10 saying he was scared. Peter was at work so I asked him if he wanted to sleep in my bed for the night and all night long he was pretty much glued to my side, just like he did when he was a baby. That kid is sweetness embodied.

This isn't really sweet but see those magnetic blocks they are playing with up there?  I've said it before and I'll say it again - BEST TOY PURCHASE EVER. You have to get the 100 piece set and they are a bit expensive but my goodness, those have got the most use over the last few years of any of our toys and both the kids play with them almost daily. They are the perfect size to make houses and hide outs for lego people and doll house people and matchbox cars.

Drink

To Miss E and I this is "soda". We take whatever citrus we have on hand (in this case blood oranges), juice them, add ice and club soda (and in my case sometimes a little rum) and voila! Soda. Mr. T doesn't like it because he thinks the club soda is "spicy" but he'll drink just the plain juice. If we have grapefruit, I'll add a little sugar but oranges are usually sweet enough on their own. I'm so thankful neither of my kids like soda. I didn't grow up with it and it has never been a problem for me but Peter did grow up with it and for him, quitting Dr. Pepper has been like quitting smoking. It's such a crazy addiction. He's gotten so much better now, really a million times better, but it's been a long road. I hope that by not having it in the house, and not having the kids drink it on a regular basis I will save them from that pain down the road. For now though, Miss E and I like our own "soda".

Water

It's baaaackkkk...... The rain is here. Keeping everything all damp and green and Oregon-like. This is what the windshield of my car looked like as we waiting in the car line to pick up Miss E after school. I've been trying to get there more often to pick her up because thus far I have not been super happy with the bus. Every time it comes by the house kids are screaming and standing in their seats and throwing stuff out the window. She tells me that they play music on the bus (which is fine...) but it's stuff like Lady Gaga which is not exactly appropriate for this age. Both of those things are kind of annoying but not really a huge problem. Then. Around Christmas time she told me that the bus driver gave little presents to a few of the older girls on the bus. And then I keep hearing about him teasing them about boys and such. Now, I don't know what's going on and I haven't been on the bus or met the driver but that kind of creeps me out and seems super inappropriate. I'm guessing that Miss E would never even talk to him seeing as he's an adult she doesn't know but still...ick. So, I'm trying to get to school more so she doesn't have to take the bus home in the afternoon.

Something New

This is the little terrarium that I got for Valentine's day. Cute isn't it? Now I just have to figure out where to hang it. And how to take care of it....

Happiness

Since Peter was working yesterday, we celebrated Valentine's day today. We're a pretty low-key couple so it wasn't a big deal. He bought me a lovely little tear drop terrarium, and for him I vacuumed the dog hair out of our bedroom, cooked dinner and bought doughnuts. One might argue those are all things I should be doing anyway, but "great housewife" has never been on my list of describing terms. We also got wild and crazy and watched an episode of Big Love after the kids went to bed - pretty much like we do every night when he's home. (except not always Big Love, obviously). Speaking of Big Love, what's up with those crazy mormons? They almost make polygamy look good. Extra women to help with the housework, cooking and childcare? Not so bad. Peter will tell you that the LAST thing he needs or wants is a few more wives and about 6 more kids but I don't know...maybe I could convince him.

Heart

Miss E and her first bestest friend ever . 

What a great day. Last night Peter and I made a ton of construction paper hearts and wrote stuff like "you rock" or "you're a great sister" on all of them and plastered them all over the kids doors. They woke up to that surprise and Peter left me a few flowers before he went to work early this morning. We had pink (beet) waffles for breakfast and both kids left for school super happy.

I spent the day running errands, relaxing and just generally enjoying the peace and quiet. When I got home I found that the school's TAG coordinator called and left a message. We agreed a few weeks ago to have Miss E tested and I was really hoping she would pass. For a quiet but smart kid like Miss E, it will be a huge help to her to have the TAG qualification and give us a leg to stand on when we are asking for more challenging work for her. TAG students also have a lot of opportunities that non-TAG kids don't. (I'm not saying they should, just that for Miss E we would like to take advantage of it).  Her teacher had warned me that a very small percentage of kids they test actually pass the test. And I was worried about Miss E being in a strange room with a stranger teacher - not her ideal conditions. I didn't know today was going to be the day she was tested (thank goodness I didn't give her a ton of Valentine's candy this morning) and was super eager to hear the results. But when I called back the TAG teacher was gone.

This afternoon I headed for her school to go to her class Valentine party. As I arrived, her teacher pulled me aside and asked if the TAG teacher had called, I said yes but I hadn't had a chance to talk to him. Then she whispered "she passed with a 99% - she only got two questions wrong on the entire test!" She couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Well, I could but still... 99%? That's amazing.

When Miss E got home, she said "I got to do TAG today and finished book 1, next week I get to do Book 2". Book 1 is the first grade test, book 2 is the second grade test so I'm assuming their assessment isn't done. I asked her if she liked it and she said she did, at the end of the test the teacher called the principal of the school in and the three of them played memory together. Miss E thought that was awesome. She's such a happy kid these days.

After school the kids opened their presents, we decorated cookies and ate tacos. They were so excited to open all their Valentines from school and it just ended up being the greatest evening. I'm so proud of both of them.

(not) blue

sorry for the blurry photo. This was taken on moment's notice through glass

This post should be entitled WE HAVE ACHIEVED TOP BAR PEOPLE!!!!!!! Holy cow. Mr. T has been going to this gym for a few years and he NEVER EVER EVER before has been willing to touch the top bar. His teacher (see how cute and hugely pregnant she is?) has tried to talk him into it for 2 years but he just kept talking her right back out of it. Until last week that is. Peter went to gym with him and all the sudden at work I see a message that says "top bar has been achieved" what? I'm thinking. No way. NO WAY. But it was. This week, I took him to gym and he made sure to tell Teacher Angela that he wanted to show me. And he did! I never thought it would happen. I mean seriously, I kind of figured he'd be about 15 before he touched the top bar. You know, right about the time that he learns to swim and ride a bike. To say he's not into risk-taking would be an understatement. Unless it involves jumping off the couch. Then anything goes. But what do I know? Here he is hanging off the top bar at 5! So proud of my guy.

Also, his teacher did a freakin' headstand during class and I about fell over. Do you see her belly? A HEADSTAND. That is more coordination than I have ever had in my lifetime.

Where you sleep

This morning, Peter headed out to be with his friends all day again and the kids and I went to the NW Sportsmen's show. That's right the SPORTSMEN'S show. Me and the kids. If you know me, you know how out on a limb that was. I figured they would enjoy it though and totally underestimated it's size and crowdedness. They had face painting and a trout pond (inhumane I KNOW), and gold panning which the kids think is AWESOME. Because there was the potential for fish-involvement, I asked my Dad to meet us there because I don't take hooks out of fish's mouths. All in all the kids had a blast and my Dad had fun. I think my Dad has a hard time finding stuff to do with the kids sometimes so this was perfect for them. The kids also each came home with a tiny vial filled with a tiny bit of gold that they panned themselves.

Tonight, we had a friend staying with us so he took Mr. T's room and Mr. T slept in Miss E's bottom bunk. I put them both to bed at 7:30 since we are fighting colds and it had been a long day. At 7:45 Mr. T came out, said Miss E was keeping him awake and I suggested he could start off in our bed and then I would move him. This upset her, and after some tears I suggested that she go kindly ask him to come back and agree to stop pestering him. She did, he did, I tucked them both in and shut the door at 8. Not one more peep was heard out of her room - which is saying something since it's right off the living room and I can pretty much hear everything going on in there.

So imagine my surprise when I went to check on them at 10 to find the scene above. face paint streaked on their faces, under a pile of blankets, snuggled together in the top bunk. Cutest thing ever.

Makes you happy

Please excuse the terrible ipod picture...also how adorable is Miss E's self-declared soccer outfit? 

Today was a heck of a day. Peter was with his friends, leaving the kids and I on our own.

We went to soccer, and Mr. T and I froze (seriously - it's indoor soccer, why the heck is it so cold in there) watching Miss E play. Then, over lunch time, we headed to urgent care to get some antibiotics for the raging sinus infection I have. An hour long wait there (before lunch) and then about 30 minutes in the doctor's office. After that it was home for a quick lunch, to the pharmacy to pick up meds (which weren't there), to our friend's house to pick up all the Girl Scout cookies Miss E sold, then to a movie (Phantom Menace), then home for dinner, several panicked phone calls to various dr's and pharmacies and then leaving our dinner in the middle to race to the store to pick up the meds. A trying day for sure. All around.

The best part? These kids. They were hungry and tired but they sat at the Doctor's for an hour with Miss E showing Mr. T how to play Mario and Mr. T showing Miss E how great he was at a game on the ipod. Only one chair in the doctor's office? No problem, they shared it. Even the doctor told me how wonderful they were. Leaving dinner in the middle to run to pharmacy only to wait for 20 minutes? No worries, Miss E just sat and read Mr. T a book. It was amazing. At some point I realized, that even though today was difficult, hanging with these guys is truly what I want to be doing at this point in my life. They just are awesome kids.

Hopefully by tomorrow morning these miracle drugs called antibiotics will make it so my face feels a little less like I took a right hook to it.

Childhood

Wrestling with your sister. Or just grabbing her leg while she is singing loudly at the top of her lungs. Making Valentine's for 25 other kindergartners. Or 24 other first graders and meticulously taping lollypops in each one. Hating everything but mac and cheese for dinner. Asking to stay up later. Declaring yourself a Ninja. A smile so heartwarming that no one is immune. Watching cartoons on Saturday or Sunday morning before your parents get up. Blueberry muffins for breakfast.

I hope these kids will remember some of the small moments that so far has made up the bulk of their lives.

Daily Routine

Mr. T it's time to get dressed.

Miss E do you have your homework?

Have you guys brushed your teeth?

5 minutes until we leave.

Time to go, let's head out to the van.

Mr. T are your straps done?

Miss E you're bus today.

Mr. T you are after care, I'll pick you up at 2:30.

Have a good day, I love you guys!

Your Sky

As it always does this time of year, the rain has returned. Our soft blanket of gray has covered us up again and it all feels pretty cozy. I think because I have lived here my entire life, the gray and rain doesn't bother me nearly as much as those I know who have moved here as adults.

When I went out to get the paper early this morning I noticed the sky gorgeously reflected on the wet boards of our front porch, but getting my camera to reflect what my eye sees is kind of a trick. I finally figured out how to capture those winter tree branches and clouds in a non-blobby manner.

Favorite

This whole day was pretty much my favorite. Played hooky from work and hung out with Peter. We went to Home Depot and Ikea to plan out some near and far in the future home projects (new doors, floors and bedroom furniture!). We went out to lunch. 

Tonight I sat with Miss E and we read another chapter of Harry Potter. Sharing my favorite (late) childhood books with my girl? Awesome. I tried to read it to her about a year ago but she wasn't understanding all of the school and Quiddich stuff so I stopped and decided to wait until she was begging me each night to read another chapter and boy oh boy has that been worth it. She is so excited by the book. She wants to know all about each character, she was nervous about what house Harry would be put in and keeps asking how the book is going to end (she is her mother's daughter....). I love it. Love love love love it. 

Makes You Smile

In the midst of our morning chaos, Miss E scribbled this note for me and left it on the bathroom rug. I found it as I was getting ready to take a shower. Such a sweet way to start off the morning.

10am

A few months ago, my nephew decided he was done with Legos. This was about the same time that Mr. T became obsessed with Legos - the Lego king of the house. Trouble was, my nephews sets were all mixed up. My sister brought up a garbage bag with out six lego sets in it and asked if we wanted it. I of course said yes and it has sat in a corner of my room from then until this weekend. This was the first time that I was brave enough to get it out and tackle separating the kits. Mr. T is all in on this project. It's pretty much the only thing he has wanted to do this weekend. Last night Miss E spent the night at my parents house and Mr. T did Lego's. This morning at 7 after Peter had gone to work, he was doing Lego's and when this picture was taken, I was trying to coax him to leave so we could go pick up Miss E. "Just one more piece mommy" was always the answer.

Letterbox

This picture actually made me get out and clean off our mailbox today. Living on a road with no side walks in a neighborhood covered with pine trees equals a lot of dirt and moss gathering on your mail receptical. It was sunny and clear on this February morning which always feels a bit like someone has pulled the covers off your head and left you blinking in the very  bright light. We have so long been living under a cloud of soft grey and damp. This first little peek at spring was lovely. Mr. T came out front with me while Miss E and Peter were off at soccer and he played his little piano and climbed trees yelling "look at me mommy! Take a picture of me! I'm the fastest tree climber there is!" I took pictures of him, cleaned the mailbox and continued the endless endless task of getting the pine cones off the driveway. Most of all,  I breathed deeply of the dry air with a touch of warmth and felt the sun on my cheek.

Something you adore

Her. She. Miss E. I adore her in all her silliness, sweetness, fierceness and kindness. Every single day.

This morning she and Mr. T were playing her carnival game and Mr. T won a prize - a party in his honor. They spent the next 15 minutes planning the party, which will be on Sunday afternoon, and then, just as I was leaving for work and Peter was leaving to take them to school, Miss E handed us each a list of things for us to do to prep for the party. I have to make cookies and Peter has a whole list of things to get from the grocery store and chores to do. One of his chores was to sweep off the back deck which apparently is our "good weather" location. He did that this morning and as soon as the kids were home from school they were out there playing in the dry sunny weather. I think we all really needed a moment of dry and sunny to be outside and breathe in some air.

And now I am off to bake some cookies for the party.

Words

I've really been wanting to get back into the picture a day thing, or even taking pictures at all. I kind of took a break after the photography class. I think the class just overwhelmed me so much both with the realization of all that I DON'T know about taking pictures and it also took me out of the moment. Like, I wasn't grabbing my camera to capture something beautiful or fun anymore because I was worried about aperture and white balance and shutter speed and iso and it all started to feel hard and like I was doing it wrong or that it could be, not that is should be better. So my camera has (for the most part) sat on a shelf above my desk and I stopped taking it places and life has been zooming by.

The whole life zooming by thing? That's why I started this blog in the first place. Combined with the fact that I have a terrible memory and am convinced that I'm headed for an early entry into the Alzheimer's home, my kids' childhood and hence the salad days of my mothering, are flying by. They somehow have become so big. Sometimes when they sleep I go into their rooms at night and in their resting faces I can see the babies that they once were. The way their lips rest, their eyelids flutter, but it's so fleeting. During the day they are big and yet not big. I spent my day running errands without a small person by my side and I missed it. Yes, I have probably blocked out the tantrums and the whining and all the things that make going to the grocery store with a baby/toddler/preschooler sometimes difficult, but overall, I miss them being with me as I go about my day. Somedays I feel like I don't have a chance to connect with Miss E at all, she gets home from school at almost 4, eats a snack, wants some quiet time, plays with her brother and then it's dinner, bath and bed before she and I have had any quality time to chat or just BE together. I find myself missing her as well.

In an effort to get back into a 365, and to just get some of this down for the kids, I'm going to try one of those photo challenges that keep popping up on blogs. It's basically a photo prompt for each day of the month, and I'll try and title the post with the prompt. Although of course since I don't like being told what to do and my Virgo sensibilities toward complication and organization have to be pleased,  I have devised a plan to use prompts from Jan and Feb as I see fit.

Today it is "words" so I took a picture of this little love sign. I found this in the 4th grade at a Halloween carnival hidden in a bin of straw and have kept it since then. Every place I have lived (I think 12 so far!) it has come with me to be displayed on a dresser or a shelf or sometimes stuck in a box for a year or two. Right now it sits on the shelf above my computer. It is my daily reminder that love - all forms of it - is the most important thing. Love of your family, of yourself, of friends, of strangers, of the earth, of life, in your heart and in your brain, it is the most important thing that we humans can do.

2012 Winn

Miss E has made up some carnival game for her and Mr. T to play complete with rides (most involving the swivel office chair), tickets, membership cards and winners. I love love love love how creative she is and she and Mr. T have been having a blast playing all of these games. I also love her winning ticket - 2012 Winn! So true. I have high hopes that 2012 is going to be a winner.

More tomorrow on the starting up of another 365 (maybe, I think so, hopefully....)